Who cares!?

When I was on my way to work, I was thinking: There is only a few on this earth deserve the title of "true friend".

I was trashed at work today. Chemical in my brain was messed up which brought up some silly thoughts. I called my friend, being certain that she won't judge me no matter how silly I am (she has seen worse). I just need a confirmation from her. When I made the whining noise over the phone, both of us started laughing and the image of me hanging at her partition in the past (when we shared the same office) came up to both our mind.

Just a phone call away, her voice is just like my tranquillizer.

And I just found out she teared at the same movie trailer as I did, although we were thousands miles away.

I am looking forward to our true reunion in March 2008.

What's next?

New experiences and fresh challenges are a necessity for you. It's one of the many reasons why you're destined for true success. Be watchful -- a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity is about to come your way. -> This was my horoscope on 4th July.

iboss submitted her resignation on 3rd, and left by 5th. Now, I am all alone in the department. In the coming days, I have to represent the team, i.e. me, myself and I, in front of senior mgmt.

Meanwhile, I am hoping to have someone in front as my shield. Am I ready to take a step and stand on the stage alone? Preparation, preparation and preparation.

I should go for a big breakfast to start my day tomorrow. Yeah, I should do that.

I believe

I was so tempted to dial his number and find out if he is back in town. My conscious kept me from doing so.

I came across the horoscope love guide. It says, when pisceans encountered failure (or depression), they tend to look for satisfaction through art, e.g. drawing, music, literature or design etc. From there, they are able to reach spiritual peace.

... nodding head... That's why I am writing now.

I have to confess about my curiousity in dating a pisces. Talking to him, I seemed to see through his mind. I saw myself. Scary, isn't it?

Date with Drew

It is just like "the Alchemist", the hero in "A date with Drew", Brian demonstrated the guts of realizing a childhood dream. The movie is not really about Drew Barrymore, but the beauty of chasing after a dream. Yeah, everybody has their dreams, yet how many of them actually work on it? Its a bet, cos you would either win or lose. When one loses, would he/she be able to face it? That's why the "gut" counts!

I have a dream and am in the process to realisation. Yap, I am full of courage to make it true! As Brian said, it is a quest. Nothing is impossible, including dating your teenage idol crush!

The Lake House

Il mare, a Korean movie, is one of my all time favourites. The remake will be up soon. It's called "the Lake House" by Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock.

I have to confess that I was a fan of Keanu, since "My own private Idaho" (til Speed). Click here to play preview of "the Lake House". Listen to the sound track, it's Keane's "Somewhere only we know". I was touched.

Irresponsible

All irresponsibles are Losers!

Here are a few examples that I've encountered (and heard from others) just today: -

• refuses to take up tasks suppose to be done by him/ her.
• no credibility in his/her words, i.e. duckspeak -> saying things for the sake of saying it.
• leaving the job without a word to anyone.

Well, who to blame?

Hidden Camera

I screwed my "Talking off the cuff" training big time, simply because of the video camera. It makes me super nervous.

But I do think the bank should have set a camera today at my client's office. The reason is I think I have done a very good job today handling a threat. I rather stuck my neck out then being threatened. The senior management should witness how I have handled the situation today. Damn the video taken at the training.

I am happy about myself as my long gone fire at work is back for a moment.

a beautiful moment

I rarely post my picture on the blog, but I find it a beautiful moment to share.

White

Comtemporary art museum of Barcelona

An absolute contrast color to black. Not neccessarily carrying the opposite emotion. To me, white is quiet, fear and hollow; Indifference, uncertainty and helplessness.

Going to work is just like entering into a big white room which floor, wall and ceiling are painted in white.

I belong in London!?

I should belong in Paris! Why London?
I hate the fact that Fuigo got my ideal result. Wait a min, why is he doing the test anyway as it is just meant for women?

What city you belong in?

Keane

Only a few singers' new album that I am looking forward to listen to. Keane is one of them.

It was Megan who introduced Keane to me over a year ago. Since then, I have been listening to them. Dreamy-me just entered into the no man zone when i listen to their songs.

Keane's first album "Hopes and Fears" was released May 2004. Simply looking at the song titles, I can assure you, these are the songs besides James Blunt and Damian Rice that I play over and over again and have the melody and lyrics embraced me; Somewhere only we know, We might as well be strangers, Everybody is changing.

I was so excited to see the new released album and bought it without second thought. Come on, buying original CD is a big consideration these days.

The power of Softhard

返工手軟軟, 叫你OT 梗哎fankyou.
Wah, 我d活力都返口西來

My dear softhard... I support you forever. you are my source of energy!

No subject

just came back from a business dinner. it was tiring. I met upto 20 of my clients there. I am not very good at socialising in such function. Or on the surface I can handled it well, but not enjoyable at all. I felt a sense of insecurity in me. May be I felt like having someone for me to hide behind.

my buddy has left for his new assignment overseas today. bidding farewell to him on the phone briefly. Feeling empty. my best wishes to him!

A number of my cancerian friends are going to have their birthdays. I am not sure if I am going to greet each one of them. For some of them, I flet the friendship has just fallen apart. may be its out of sight out of mind. it is surely a test for real friendships. And with some of them, mistakes were made before my last visit. Sigh... may be I just have to learn the fact that I am living in this cruel reality.

Mumbai

I just can't wait to share with you the pictures taken from the capital of India.





















Before I went to Mumbai, I bought a bottle of 1.5 litre mineral water. I have heard enough stories about "food poisoning". Arriving at mid night, the street was surprisingly busy. There were people wandering on the street and homeless sleeping at the pedestrian path. We were brought to the Inter Continental by the sea which we spent the next two days for training.

Out of expectation, we got half day off. The three girls exchanged some rupee and headed out to "Gateway of India" for shopping. A little history on "Gateway of India"; it was built by George V to remember the port which the British first entered into the country. Further down the road, there are stalls lining up, selling clothes (those white indian style shirts selling at one tenth of Zara's price); bags with excellent embroideries and beads; shoes; accessories; shawes; antique and stationaries.

On the street, there were a lot of children beggers. Here is the story of my entercounter with one, a single eyed boy. He kept padding on my arm and said "Hello, I don't want your money. Just buy me milk. I want milk." I went on without looking at him as I knew I am softhearted. He kept on asking from one block to the next. At the third block, I started speaking Cantonese to him and hoped that he would give up. But he didn't. Finally, until the fifth block, I took out some chewing gum and placed it on his little palm. Then he disappeared. In the bottom of my heart, I hope he didn't swallow...

Late afternoon, we were walking along the seaside, I dropped my jaw when looking at the sunset. It could be as beautiful no matter how developed the country is. That's the power of nature.

Transit

Lucky that I am now in Changi Airport but not Mumbai Airport. I have to spend the next 2 hours, wandering around before the next flight. Extremely tired. Thanks to iboss, I am not entitled to use the business class lounge.

My impression of Mumbai is generally alright. May be I had expected worse. Lacking of sufficient preparation and not being able to collect myself from holiday mood, I was not doing extremely well in the training. No one to blame but myself. I was just over-confidence. Well, it is good to give myself a good bash and to realisation that there is a distance away from true success. Isn't it just make life more challenging and interesting?

I have to admit that shopping in Mumbai was good. Things are just cheap and nicely done.

Well, the "free internet" access is prompting me that the session will be ended in 3 mins. Let me close this by saying, "I feel much better to air out my frustration of not flying business class".

Sleepless nights

I thought I could survive the jetlag without a problem as I was able to sleep well on the first night returning from Europe. However, I was wild awake last night and the night before til sun rise.

A lot of things were in my mind.

I had a reflection on the friendship with my best male friend (yeah, a platonic relationship). I met him for dinner last night as he is going away for new work assignment soon. I don't know when would be the next time we meet.

Well, it might be the right time for me to step back and give ourselves sufficient space.

Fountainbleau

On the way to Insead, Ming asked "Are you nervous?". I said no. Instead, I felt hopeful and excited. It was a hot afternoon.

It seems to be the right place for me. A place filled with people from all sorts of background who are smart and fun. The way I see it is a "club med" cum business school. The cost is EUR70K and 10 months (including the opportunity cost of the time). And the benefit? A "stamp" of Insead on the forehead, big corporates "fighting" to hire you, plenty of new friends (from different locations), lots of partying, great deal of inspiration from peers, 10 months to live to France ("oh la la...") and chances for touring Europe. "What else to consider?", said the Insead students I met on the boat trip on River Seine.

Now, I am motivated to work on the application with full force. Study for GMAT, write application essays and save money.

Nothing is better than knowing a meaningful next step for myself. I am energised!

back to reality

Yeah, holiday is finished.

I have spent 2 days in St. Sebestian, 5 days in Barcelona, 2 days in Fountainbleau and 5 days in Paris. The trip was fulfilling, yet expensive. I was reminded once again why am I working so unwillingly in the current office. I am bartering my time and brain-cell for money.

Write more about each location in the next entries.

Out of office

Water will be out of office from 1/6 and returning on 23/6. Should you have any urgent matter, please do not even try to contact her.

For more update, please check Adventure of King Ming blog

I was having this complicated conversation yesterday evening. It involved both business and personal. After the brief business talk, I annouced the change of my identity from a bank officer back to a friend. The change didn't happen only on me, but him as well. From a serious businessman, he turned into a whining baby. He was complaining about the nitty gritty that he has to clear on his table before he flew for his hometown in few hours time.

Without eleboration, both Pisceans fell into a romantic illusion for a minute or so. One of us woke up and cut short the conversation.

Well, both Pisceans know it won't work. A distance should be kept between us to avoid any causalty.

Getting old...

I realised, when I get older, I am less insistence in certain aspects of life, e.g. going out with guys. I used to rely a lot on my gut feeling about guys, especially with whom are interested in me (well, could be platonic...!?). In the past, I would shy away if I don't have a strong feeling. I thought, why waste time anyways. But now, I learn to give myself a chance to find out more, hoping there could be pleasant surprise. (up til here, monolisa must be nodding her head while reading)

Well, so far, the result is within expectation, yet life is more "interesting" than being alone always. Life moves on if there is no chemistry and continues with the search in the "people sea".

Mystery solved

Spontaneous Steph once mentioned to get more Ziga Zaga homemade 地瓜片 on Satuaday night. Well, we all know this is not the real purpose.

Tonight, we went to the opening of Tcing Tcing (some bar opened by local celebs). Guest who I ran into at the bar - the real purpose of Ziga Zaga. Oh my god! Again, "Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me."

This was the first time to meet him outside his work place and out of his black fitted suit. He gave me this gentle stroke on my arm made me wonder if he is straight... or he is simply trying hard to be seductive... :p

Curiosity kills. But once the mysterious of a person is gone, it feels sour.

Mid Summer Night's Dream

Love me, love me not

The heavy base of the same old song was banging along my heart beat. I activated my build-in infrared detector and was searching for him. When our eyes met, I smiled. Yeah, it was one of those betrayal smiles.
Chats, laughters, smoke and free flow of champagne were brought along into my dream.
:
:
I stepped into the dimly lighted apartment. The table was set for dinner with candle lights. He was busy preparing our dinner. Simple pasta served with chilled white wine. The conversation was delightful.

A few thoughts to share before bed

- I had a nice talk with another pisceian over a brief lunch today. It was nice because through the conversation, I realised there is actually someone on this planet as dreamy and as sensitive as me. Interesting still, a male version of me

- Among friends, there are roles to play. Listener, head nodder, care taker, counselor and simply a talker (just talk don't listen). I am lucky to have one very good listener. May be its my turn to listen to someone who love to talk but have no patience to listen. Its all about give and take

- The bad thing about me (which I believe is inherited from Mom) is that if you have no patience to listen, then I would rather keep things to myself, period

- A long waited MSN conversation was taken place tonight. It was brief yet lightened my heart a lot. Well, sometimes, all we need is just to know the one over the other side is doing fine

- Da Vinci Code movie is okay. I will rate it 3.5 stars out of 5

- "Rainbow Connection" was playing in my ipod. The voice of Kermit reminds me of my dear listener

- Good night

Math

Today I took out the newly bought GMAT official guide and started working on the quantitative part of the "diagnostic test". It has been 8 years since I last solved a math question.

I felt like an idiot as I scratched my head and couldn't figure out the answer.

I hope "practice makes perfect" is true.

Left work at six sharp

I felt uneasy since I got the phone call from monolisa at noon. She ended by saying "you better be prepared for its coming". The message she brought was haunting me for the whole afternoon. Time passed slowly and finally it was six. I couldn't wait to pack my bag and leave the office.
:
:
Last night, I was offered two alternatives. He would decide his next stop according to my choice, Macau or Malaysia. Well, this is just a joke. Am I that influential to make such important decision? Okay, let's say if I could really make the call, where would I chose? I would chose the third place, by my side.

iboss II

Yes, it is a waste of time to talk about her. So, please just ignore this entry if you agree.

She is trying hard to pick on me and so she found the chance when approving my expenses. Here are her comments: -

Phone Bill (less than TWD3000 each month) -> Please make sure to identify each phone call (on the phone bill) next time; Try to use "fixed line", it is cheaper.

Cab fare (less than TWD2500 each month) -> Please try to best utilized our department car. Try to use the time slot when the car is free to visit clients.

Lunch bill -> Make sure the money is well spent on client with good business potential and deals monitization.

Okay, in another words, I should sit there and do minimal marketing for cost control sake. Minimal entertainments, minimal meetings and minimal phone calls. Well, sounds familar. Isn't that just exactly described the person sitting next to me, i.e. iboss?

This kind of bullshit comes once every month (u know why) and the underlying reason is very simple - She hates me, period.

Mosquito

i killed a mosquito with my pointing finger and thumb while it was sucking my blood. Would the "needle" be broken and stuck in my skin, or would it flow along with my blood circulation in my body?

Posing or roller coasting

Thought we were living "Sex & the City".

Thursday night, Steph and I met up at Joyce East after work for a drink and shoes posing. It ended up to be a light dinner with dessert and coffee. It was my fault.

I was starving upon arrival, so I asked for some finger food to bite on along with our champagne. Unexpectedly, a delightful antipasto platter was presented. There were smoke salmon with fish roe on egg cake; olives; pate de foie gras on crispy toast; beef cappaccio wrapped around roman lettuce and parma ham on figs. Of course, dessert followed ~ a crispy apple pie with ginger ice cream.

Over the delicious antipasto and peach almond champagne, the two girls were bitching about work, life and relationship. Both long for a roller coaster ride but keep holding back. We are up for the thrill, yet acknowledging the fact that we are unable to take the foreseeable consequences.

Just as we got hurt when putting our fingers to the fire, we learn from experiences and stop ourselves from repeating mistakes. Isn't it painful to hold yourself from chasing after your desire? Okay, again, it is a philosophical discussion.

Ladies Night

It could be a random offer, an offer to passerby of the hotel lobby (I said that hotel is haunted)

No one cares whether I took the offer or not, but me. Simply because I am the only one thinks it is important and it is important to me only.

Put away the phone and start the GMAT exercise.
Spending a quiet night at home is safer.

Want a good cry?

Watch 藍色生死戀.
Even I accidentally came across half an episode on TV, I was tearing. 好慘... sob sob sob ~

Hollowness

The gap has to be filled. It could be a chain of smoke, a repeated sad song, a sms message, a voice from the other side of the phone, a weblog or a company of irrelevant people.

Have the emptiness filled and then move on.

The End

... to my crush. It is official.

The one who woke me up is someone I bearly know, not even her name. Well, let's call it fate. It is good to put an end to the episode.

I am going to bed now.

My Sunday...

I am seriously stressed out from work. To be exact, it is stress of hating my work. Like everyone, I enjoyed the long waited labour day weekend. Last night, I was up til 5:30am surfing net, making reservation for our Barcelona accomodation.

This morning, Delia, my maid, has done an excellent job in taking care of my housework, so that I could enjoy my weekend without worrying about changing my bed sheet and doing my laundry.

In the afternoon, I met Jasmine for tea. Nice chat at Spot over coffee and marble cheese cake (mostly consumed by me), and followed by some browsing of DVDs and books at Eslite @ Spot Taipei.

After tea, I went to Shin Yi for suit and travel book hunting for over two hours. It was pressure free as I was wondering on my own. Of course, I didn't leave empty handed.

Steph called for a drink. Taipei was strangely quiet on a long weekend Sunday. We first went to Champagne III which turned out to be empty. Then Mint, it was empty as well. We had our last try at Room 18, although it was empty, we decided to stay for a drink and then moved on to In-house for another round. While wondering where all the cute Taipei guys have gone, we were checking out the transvestite waiter/ress, thinking "she" is twice feminine than the two of us added together.

What a fulfilling and enjoyable day!

An unplanned encounter...

I don't know how exactly it happened.

The moment when he came into my sight, everything turned into slow motion for 2 seconds. One, Two. Even the voice beside me went slow.

This shouldn't happen to a 29 years old.

No matter how I "cool" sounded, my sunshine smile had betrayed me. Although the brief conversation only lasted 1.5 min, it was the best moment I have had through out the past 30 days.

It was just an illusion, I told myself.

History taught me that it is better to walk away with good memories.

I'd like to close this episode with two quotations from Carls Sandburg which were once quoted in my blog on 7th Dec, 05

"Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me."

"The secret of happiness is to admire without desiring."

Hi Doctor

"Please take a seat. How do we feel today?" doctor said
"Well, I am feeling okay actually. I am here because I don't feel like sleeping at night and don't feel like waking up in the morning. Is there something wrong with me, doctor?" I asked.
"What keeps you from going to bed?"
"Reading, net surfing, replaying DVDs... mostly sex and the city episodes, MSN-ing, blogging and eating occassionally" I went as I was running through my list of night time rituals.
"And what time do you wake up?"
"Usually I wake up without alarm. At nine." I answered shamelessly.
"On a work day even!?" Doctor was amazed.
"Yeah. Well, actually, the alarm was snoozed for so many times that it stopped ringing."
Doctor was busy scribling prescription and then said "Don't worry girl. This is not abnormal. You just hate your job and is trying to stretch your leisure time as long as possible. Take this and get your medication at the counter outside."

At the counter, I got a pack of Mile Seven menthol light and a white coffee mug.

Carpe Diem... continue

What is life? A philosophical question.

Life is about compromising. Man has unlimited wants with limited resources. Therefore we have to make choice. The opportunity cost would be the best alternative to what has been chosen. This is economics.

Life is about happiness. My lovely family is happy, then I am happy. Even if I have to forgo my dream?

Numb, emotionally unresponsive, indifferent
You are hopeless on matters or people, til you become indifference

Hopelessness
definition : the despair you feel when you have abandoned hope of comfort or success

You once have hope, but no longer do.
What was my hope?

Repeat and Repeat... Part III

almost 75 times since 3 days ago.

手望(守望版) Featuring 張敬軒

落葉上要寫字　願望是讓眼睛只看到善意
我要我的天使同情我廝守一輩子
花不開也看成奇蹟　枯乾的世界漫延
不要問我那故事難過極了

寂寞夜裡出現　是為著讓曙光消散了便算(我看到你)
我已害怕光線　停留漆黑中等變酸(沒法一起)
天多灰也當是藍色　深居於新生樂園
軀殼在這個世上零度裡探賞(新生的你)

途中花瓣結霜　連手心都凍傷(如果雙手覺得快凍傷)
又再妄想　連呼吸都灼傷　
求天賜我膽量(求天令你堅強)
若意識裡沒法看穿這個下場(請相信我這下場)
期望你空中拖著我歌唱(其實我拖著你)
手捉不到　在透明異國共舞

寂寞夜裡出現　是為著讓曙光消散了便算
我也害怕光線　你不需一個變酸
星星粉碎了留痕跡　一早知願望樹絕情不要亂碰　
那次傷口太深　越痛V要分心(望見你不開心　越痛越要分心)

只可惜當回憶統統結霜　連真心都凍傷(如果真心覺得快凍傷)
就怪我的求生聲音太響　難擁你到天上(你不要跟我走　你要學會堅強)
若有天你望見世間我已著涼(不想親眼看你著涼)
原諒我不小心或太緊張(不准傷心或太緊張)

屈膝禱告　為我們下世預告來生比你走得早　
好想你擁抱(想抱)
落葉上再寫字　願望是共你於天國裡遇見
昨日未了的事　靜靜讓你知(靜靜讓我知)

Its simple to be HAPPY

One, Two, Three, Cheers!

Politics & Women in Office

Don't expect any brilliant comments on the subject after few glasses of wine and plenty of BS at a bar near to my apartment.

let's leave it for the next entries.

Duh... the end!

I have my isolating moments. An isolation of myself from the crowd.


I took a step back and looked at my four companion at the dining table giggling, trying to figure out how my Dopod worked under the table for at least 15 mins. Without eleborating on how it worked out, the message was sent.

In exchange, we got a bottle of complimentary Moet Chandon Rose and a pat on my head.










I am grateful having my friends to share the moments with me.

Gosh, my right eye ball inflated like a balloon but the pupil. So, it looked like a black button pressed on a ballon. You don't want to see it, I bet.

On the other hand, it is a signal that my body is not functioning well.

Duh!

Special thanks to all the friends to be dragged to Ziga Zaga this weekend. Some of them aware and some of them don't.

Couldn't wait longer to pick out my phone, I started SMSing to make reservation for Saturday night. Out of expectation, instead of a "yes, it's done" SMS, a real voice reply came after an hour.

Little chat... nothing special... the conversation ended with a delightful note: looking forward to seeing you on Saturday. Yeah~ firework went at the background...

Monologue: Gal, isn't it normal to get that remark at the end of all phone call reservations at restaurants? Duh, perfectly. Don't think too much. Just enjoy the evening!

Love ain't slavery

Do you remember?

I can do it, only if I am given a chance.
Now, there is one in front of me.

Do I have to repeat to myself what needs to be done?

This round, if I failed, there is no one to blame but myself.

26 degree

I was not sleeping well last night. It was too warm.
And I refused to turn on the air con.
It is April, not July.
April is just not "summer" enough to turn on the air con.

a dose of legal drug...

"Yes, I love you very much, as I have never loved another man, and that is precisely why I am leaving, because, if I stayed, the dream would become reality, the desire to possess, to want your life to be mine... in short, all the things that transform love into slavery.

It's best left like this - a dream."

Quoted from Eleven minutes - Paulo Coelho

I am still in search for an ideal relationship and I agree love shouldn't be transformed to slavery. Don't try to change man. Love him for who he is.

A word a day

Infatuation

in·fat·u·a·tion ( P ) Pronunciation Key (-fch-shn)n.
A foolish, unreasoning, or extravagant passion or attraction.
An object of extravagant, short-lived passion.

Listen to The Blower's Daughter by Damien Rice

the pupil in denial

Sleepwalking

the alarm rang from 8:00am until 8:45am. Snooze after snooze, there was still no movement.

9:00am. the body moved itself to the bathroom for the morning ritual. In the mirror, the girl looked decent to leave the flat.

9:20am. I arrived office. Said good morning to the air and kicked start my work day. I turned on Lotus Notes, read the unread messages. I preferred to click those non work related emails.

10:00am. Meeting. 11:00am. Another meeting. I talked.

Through out the day, I heard conversation within.

26

Iboss

TGIF. It was a tough work week.

My Iboss turned into a total bitch this week. We had an intensive discussion in the team meeting with the presence of other two. She refused to listen and repeated the same accusation on me. After explaining it nicely for two times and the third time, I raised my voice.

That's me.

note : click here to find definition of Iboss

Planning for Europe Trip

A new blog is started for my Europe Trip in May 2006. My travelling partner, Ms. Ming will be one of the contributors too. We will record the whole planning process and diarise the actual tour. Pictures will be shared afterwards.

It is a small project that I am going to focus on at the moment... Cool!

http://king-ming.blogspot.com/

Friday home

Just want a quiet Friday night. So, I politely refused a few parties and cooked at home.
I am conscious about my choice of staying home for a quiet evening. Simply enjoyable!

talk too few... or not

I am confused, like most of the youngsters I met.

I was told "hey, be yourself and talk more."; "don't be so quiet, guys would not know your true personality".

I was told "probably you talk too much, that's why you turn guys off..."

Should I or should I not... talk?

Read Read Read!!!

Less internet (down to 1.5 hr per day), more reading. I can't become an illiterate...

Disoriented

adj 1: having lost your bearings; confused as to time or place or personal identity

I have experienced a moment of disorientation. I opened my eyes, the sky was dim. According to the clock, it was 5:00. Was it a.m. or p.m.?

Innocent

Remember how we met new friends at playground when we were young? The friendship was innocent and simple. This afternoon, I met two at Daan Park.

Are you ready for the roller coaster?

"... I stood for a long time by the roller coaster, and I noticed that most people get on it in search of excitement, but that once it starts, they are terrified and want the cars to stop.

What do they expect? Having chosen adventure, shouldn't they be prepared to go the whole way? Or do they think that the intelligent thing to do would be to avoid the ups and downs and spend all their time on a carousel, going round and round on the spot?"

Quote from Eleven Minutes ~ Paulo Coelho

Turning our backs to paparazzi

moments...

yeah, most of the time, people do not like to listen to the truth, especially sad truth. however, only the truth would wake you up from dreams; as if someone is tapping on your shouder while you are sleepwalking.

I have been through some emotion ups and downs these weeks. May be I need another holiday to recover or a spa session. Well, no more nonsense. Its time to wake up and gather myself.

It is time to get serious about finding the answer to the question: "What do I want?"

This blog entry is written specially for one person to read -> me.

...

over MSN messenger, here is an extract of our conversation:

A : I prefer honest / straight forward guy than a hypocrite
B : Yah, I am always honest and straight forward unless I want to sleep with you

Post birthday activity

Two unexpected invitations received on Friday and Saturday evening. Thanks to Sherry and Stephanie. They were like refreshers to my fuzzy week. Meeting different people solidfied my experience in Taipei.

Here is a picture of my very own sashimi dish at Mitsui Restaurant, Oishi~:

Quotation

It might not be a bad idea to share this. From the bottom of my heart...

My apologies, guys!

I hate horror movies.

If you know you would be scared, why would you sit in and watch (Japanses ones are worse) ? Just for the thrill of it? What about the countless nightmares and the insecurity came afterwards?

You know what is worst? Being dragged into the cinema and forced to watch a horror by daring ones. In this situation, I would come up with a thousand and one excuses not to go.

I realised I have done something as irritating, unintentionally. Here, I apologise.

... wanting part of her... and not all of her

Ray: Just so you know. I'm sorry for the way I treated you.
Mirabelle: I know.
Ray: I did love you.
Mirabelle: All right.

Narrator: As Ray Porter watched his Mirabelle walk away… he feels a loss. How is it possible.. - he thinks.
..to miss a woman whom he kept at a distance..
..so that when she was gone..
..he would not miss her.
Only then did he realise how wanting part of her..
..and not all of her..
..had hurt them both..
..and how he cannot justify his actions..
..except that..
..well..
..it was life.

Quote from Movie Shopgirl (2005)

Brand new vision

Turning 29, I found a brand new vision towards relationship.

Seemingly, my unconscious sharp words have turned people off. Well, I was trying to put forth a frank discussion with them. I thought, it is the righteous way to treat people you appreciate.

I was told I talked too much. Any problem of being candide? Or people with poor intention hated to be unmasked.

29th

First of all thanks to Mom and Dad!

I am in the middle of my Singapore holiday. Just counted with 5pf, so far, I have met up with 5 cancerians in my trip. She said I am scary, an addict to cancer friends. :P

It is my intention to get away from the boredom in Taipei and to find excitement in Singapore. I got it all. Completing two third of the trip, I am already exhausted! Before I get them out in the next entries, let's view some pictures of the trip

Solo lunch at Fish Market on 25th p.m.















My birthday gift - 5th Gen Ipod, 30 G, personalised.














Upper Peirce Reservior; Official opening on 27th Feb 1977.

busy

... with picking up presents for my long lost friends
... with searching for appropriate wrappers for the presents
... with buying famous Taiwanese snacks as sovenirs
... with checking the "order status" of my new ipod baby
... with working out last minute
... with filling in my last few time slots
... with confirming meeting times and venues

Haha... I am not going home, I am going to Singapore.

Salt & Bread

Approaching the last year of my twenties', I had my celebration dinner at Salt & Bread with three new found friends in Taipei. It was a celebration for both Fuigo's and my birthday. After number of sinful great dishes and some silly conversations, we moved on to the "ice bar" of below 10 c for volker shots. Original Volka came first, then volka with fragrance of banana, chocolate, mango, lemon... last but not least, we had "spirit of life" with 80% alcohol. After deserts and a few photo shots, we left for Brown Sugar for jazz and more alcohol.

This was my first celebration in Taipei and it was merry and enjoyable!

Please don't take it away again...

Today I am busy with both work and my holiday schedule.

The feeling is special about going "back" to Singapore. When I was busy lining up meetings with friends and planning for places to visit, I felt the sense of belonging to the place. Singapore is where I have stayed longest after my home. Also, it is where I have gone through a major change in life, that is learning to be independent. Today, I was talking to some people about Singapore, their response is "boring"... At that moment, I didn't say anything to defend the country. I know, what makes a place fasinating are the people and experiences and it is beyond words.

The return is long planned and is a birthday treat to myself. Although I am adapting better in Taipei, still I miss the heart warming feeling of being pampered by my Singaporean friends. I miss both intelligent discussions and non-sense talks with them, especially sitting at alfresco cafe over coffee and cigarettes (sometimes too hot til sweating).

This is the very first time I get myself an experience as present for birthday. Thanks for all the friends who help to make it work.

Response to "Reflection" by 5pf

Click here if you want to know the "dark" side of me... hehehe...

Brokeback Mountain

It is painful not being able to end up together with the one you love, but does that mean you will live happily everafter otherwise?

不要將愛化成了束縛的空殼

Wow, this is just inspiring. To continue with the tone, I am going to watch Brokeback Mountain.

Reflection

An uninvited female friend insisted to stay over night at my place for a few nights. Well, her excuse is she can't sleep alone while her flat mate is away.

For those who know me well, you can imagine how frustrated I could be. But, I am looking at the positive side of the incident. She is like a mirror to me and reminds me not to behave like her as it is extremely annoying. Here are the dont's:-

1. ask one who she/ he was just chatting with over the phone after she/ he hanged up
2. question whether one showered for the day (unless he is going to share your bed)
3. repeat yourself over and over again
4. assume you are invited when one is telling you his appointments for the day
5. disbelieve one can actually go to work whatever time he likes
6. comment about ones workload is too light (as you are in no position to judge unless you are working with him)
7. say someone looks like a size 40 who actually wears 38, especially when the person is in the process of slimming
8. talk too much of non-sence to a person in the first hour awake
9. use interrogative sentences too often
10. leave breathing space to your counterpart no matter he is a friend or a lover

before bed, i wanted to tell you this.

I have lost faith in ones who are closest to me. I don't even want to tell them the whole truth. It is not happiness at all if I am not able to share.

I feel lonely...　

buzz...

An unexpected phone call came just in time to conclude my home leave with a heart warming note. That's all I need.

I am writing along with YanZi live concert playing with my parents LCD Flat TV. Her voice is an indulgence as well as the lyrics. An indulgence to my "underwater".

Stepping out of the habit of living in the past, I am living in the present. My heart is light as feather, floating in the air.

Nothing exciting nor surprising happened tonight but a simple dinner, followed by a silly movie. Two friends sitting opposite to each other, chatting and laughing about nitti grittis in life, teasing one another, sharing big visions of future, eating, smoking and zipping tea together. No rush, no hush, no well laid plan. Everything just went along the way. It was an early night, just right to catch the last train home. At the platform, we hugged goodbye as usual.


Only when we bidded adieu, I felt a slight bit of hollow.


Well, the comfort is, by preserving the relationship with all my heart, it is going to last forever as I wish.

J

I thought I am going to complete one of my two missions in Taiwan... but, no I didn't. Well, but at least I am getting close.

All I ask of you...

RAOUL: No more talk of darkness, Forget these wide-eyed fears.
I'm here, nothing can harm you -my words will warm and calm you.
Let me beyour freedom, let daylight dry - your tears.
I'm here, with you, beside you, to guard you and to guide you . . .

CHRISTINE: Say you love me every waking moment, turn my head with talk of summer time . . Say you need me with you, now and always . . .promise me that allyou say is true -that's all I ask of you . . .

RAOUL: Let me be your shelter, let me be your light.
You're safe: No-one will find you your fears are far behind you . . .

CHRISTINE: All I want is freedom, a world with no more night . . .and you always beside me to hold me and to hide me . . .

RAOUL: Then say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .
Let me lead you from your solitude . . .Say you need me with youhere, beside you . . .anywhere you go, let me go too. Christine, that's all I ask of you . . .

CHRISTINE: Say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime . . .say the word and I will follow you . . .

Looking forward...

Although there is still some way to go before my birthday, I have received 2 presents.

A sexy nice black top from myself (for the Night)
A full program for the birthday night from 5 petals

This is going to be a night I can definitely count on!

Well, something else closer to look forward to... count down for Phantom of the Opera... let me prepare my little hankerchiefs (one for the person sitting next to me, who is expected to cry too... sob sob...).

Weekend... continue with surprise

As per request, here are some strawberries from the field visit this afternoon...
















Bonus shot, early sakura... beautiful... this pleasant surprise just made my week...

Weekend... continue

For a moment, I thought I was wondering in Paris...


































However, the yellow cab and the Chinese roadsign telit is just a daydream...

Glad that I have my camera with me when wondering around. Otherwise, I would not be able to share these moments with you, friends...

out of depression

First of all, thanks for "True Religion" official website for the picture (that's not me, just to be clear).

After a few days of depression, I finally have got something happy to share. I have bought a pair of True Religion Jeans!!! Once again, it is proven that shopping is an effective anti-depression drug. Let's go to work happily and show appreciation to boss, who pays me the salary, by working harder and better (trying very hard to be positive).

Yeah! I have new pants for my birthday party!!! Ummm... may be I need a pair of matching heels which require a matching handbag. I also need a new top...

Weekend

I dragged myself to work in the past five days. The symptom of unmotivated at work is getting more and more serious.

How about weekends? Does that mean I am extra excited? No, I don't think so. Have a brunch, shopping with girl friends, yoga and then what? Dinner alone, or simply skip it.

I am really having a problem here. I am just not looking forward to anything.

Superstitious

I "consulted" a tarot master at a year end party for free just now. Well, usual questions like career and love were asked. Am I happy with the result? Not really.

About career, more specifically my current job, I have drawn two cards, one is "Death", the other one shown a man lying on the ground being stabbed by many swords on the back. Okay, even if I am not an expert, I can guess the meaning...

About love, basically the master told me, your luck will come 5 years later. She handed me a name card and said "come to me another day, I will give you a better fortune telling." Well, may be this implies a more "accurate" telling could only be given if you pay.

Expectation is hard to manage. The most difficult part is to manage my own expectation on things. To convince myself, I need extra effort . The worst thing is I couldn't give up on me, at least not yet. Somehow, I think there are a few nerves in my brain needs to be reconnected or worse, to be cut. Then I would not be that one-sided or stubborn.

Take things easy. The least expected always bring the most happiness (That's what I am telling myself, yet I am still expecting out of the "least expected").

my neigbourhood

looking out from the fishtank...

No subject

I was discussing the dos and donts of weddings with friends today. Music and Flowers are my top priorities.

Wait... should the top priority be the groom?

In Her Shoes

When I knew this movie is on today, I decided to watch it alone.

I made the right choice cos' I was crying as much as I wanted over the movie. Not sad, I was. It was more the tear of joy and being grateful about how lucky I am.

Trying to feel comfortable at the seat (in the middle of a row by the side), I removed my heels. After the preview in the dark, I realised I dropped one, literally. Shucks...

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)
I am never without it (anywhere i go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet)
I want no world (for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

I carry your heart with me by E.E. Cummings

A celebration of sisterhood. To my only sister, my best friend.

Taking things to seriously

I found myself being too uptight about things at work. Possibly under the influence of my Singapore days, I have to get things right, 100% crystal clear. Somehow, it doesn't work here in Taiwan.

Nth new year resolution: take things easy. what are most important at work? People people people.

all time favourites Part II

When researching for the previous entry, I was remindered by amazon.com my 2 favourite Amercian series: - Wonder Years and Beverly Hills 90210 (I don't mind disclosing which generation I belongs to) To continue a tribute to my all time favourites, here is a listing of dream series (each episode worth a pack of Original Doritos to go with)
Wonder Years (1988-1993)
Beverly Hills 90210 (1990-2000)
Ally McBeal (1997-2002)
Sex and the City (1998-2004)
Malcolm in the middle (2000-present)
Monk (2002-present)
Lost (2005-present)

all time favourites

Here are my top ten all time favourites (means countless replays during long holidays): -

1. Sleepless in Seattle (English1993. Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, directed by Nora Ephron)
2. You've got mail (English 1998. Tom Hanks, Meg Ryan, directed by Nora Ephron)
3. Home alone 1&2 (English 1990/1992. Macaulay Culkin)
4. 新紮師妹 (Hong Kong 2002. 楊千嬅, 吳彥祖)
5. About a boy (English 2002. Hugh Grant)
6. Bend it like Beckham (English 2003. Parminder Nagra, Keira Knightley)
7. Il Mare 觸不到的戀人 (Korean 2001. 全智賢, 李政宰)
8. Bridget Jones Diary (English 2001. Renee Zellweger, Hugh Grant, Colin Firth)
9. The Kid (English 2000. Bruce Willis)
10. Dead Poet Society (English 1989. Robin Williams)

Project I

This is the second time I am seriously planning for an escape.

Project I is much more complicated and lengthy. The planning period is going to take about 18 months. At the same time, capital raising will be taken place.

This is an escape from earth. I want to touch the sky.

2006 reborn