I wanted to talk.
But I can't think of anything to say.
I can't find no reason to do so.

So I remain silence until we are both ready.

走鋼線

想也沒有想過,
從哪來的勇氣,
讓那藏了很久的心意向彼此表達了.

我猜, 也再不必多言.

很難 張震嶽

有一天的一個晴天　陽光映在這張舊沙發
躺下來閉上眼　渾然不知寂寞正在蔓延
昨天的激情　今天的空寂
還有一張慘白的臉　慢慢改變
一杯水和一支香煙　混合安靜孤獨的氣味
是真情是謊言　星期天的早晨別太絕對
瘋狂的世界陌生的鞋　鎖在門之外
有時候　想把自己關起來　
還是　學著把心門打開
人與人之間的關係變得不理不睬　
習慣無關緊要的冷淡
有時候　莫名其妙哭起來　難道這就是自怨自哀
誰不希望像飛鳥一樣自由自在　誰不希望啊　誰不希望　只是很難

There is another secret to be kept.

Now I am sober.
But I guess I wasn't drunk.

Flattered...

I am loved by so many friends whom I met along the journey...

5pfx2, lisax3, sarahx2, steph, margaret, brandon, daniel darling, YT, jason, hun, ivan, dan, sherry, conny, fuigo...

I kept my eyes open to enjoy every moment being pampered by all of you...

Happy

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
I want more fans, you want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du duduDu du du du du du dudu
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Lyric of "Anyone Else but You" O.S.T. from Juno

hollow

Dinner tonight was just hollow. It didn't feel good at all.

Thank god I brought my buffer. At least I have someone to fall on anytime. Too much fake smile these day. Tonight, I have put a big one on to cover my disappointment.

To me: It is about time to take a step back and cool myself off a bit, from people I have once thought I could rely on. Take a deep breathe, stand up and move on.

Black

Black is the colour.

I wish I were alone in my very own space and sink. Sink to the bottom.

It was depressing and helpless. If possible, I would get someone to cut open my head and disconnect the nerve that dominate my emotion. Then, may be I would be happier.

The journey from office to home felt longer than normal.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I am happy to start using my aquamobile.

On the other hand, I have spent hours to search for a free software which can help to manage sms in my HTC touch, despite my upcoming exam is burning.

On the cab on my way home, I was reminded Hun once told me back in my college year, when everyone was still holding on to a beeper. All the "saved" messages should have been saved here (pointing to his heart), not in the beeper. He told me this when I was whining about all precious messages were gone after my beeper ran out of battery.

Does it really matter if the digital messages are erased along with the old phone? Should I rely on a digital device to safe keep my memories? Or should it be following me? Or it is already following me but I am not aware? May be if I am able to let go of those I ought to let go, then I have the capacity for something new to be saved?

I have once said how much I wish my brain works like any of the digital device that after a hard reboot everything could be erased without a trace. Shouldn't I be happy to let go of those I was not able to let go? Am I stuck in a sugar coated water drop too much that I have missed out a lot of beautiful things happening around me?

selfish kids

We are doing it the way we each want. Going the pace we are each comfortable with. I sms a plain statement just because I wanted to. He didn't response right away, cos' he didn't see the need. Or he didn't care. He responsed in a teasing tone when he found the chance.

No, he didn't miss it. It didn't slip his mind. It is just at a lower priority.

Open up

Embracing my 31st birthday, I am prepared for series of celebration starting this Saturday. Afterall, this is the first birthday in Hong Kong after 5 years being away from home.

I was telling Hun about this : I think I have done what ought to be done. If I see no response, there is no point to keep pushing. I refuse to make myself an annoyance to my counterpart, especially when he is someone I like.

Hun said he has a different approach. If he was in my shoe, he would keep pursuing until the counterpart tells him to stop. Yet he respected my view as it is advance thinking.

Hun being another Piscean, could be same same but different from me. Yet to tell his story about Valentines day flowers.

Remark: at this point, I am done with my meditation. I see myself in good progress recovering from last night.

Post long night out syndrome

Sitting myself up with a heavy head, I can't stop my brain replaying the songs I heard last night.

This morning, I kept reminding myself about the "zero expectation"rule. Take a deep breathe, eat an orange, drink more water and move on with better things to do over the weekend.

14th February

Seeing the delivery boys and girls with bouquets of very nicely arranged roses on hand and calling the recipients at the lift lobby, I always fantasize one of them was calling for me.

Yet to me, sincerity is more than everything. Whether it is a bouquet of red roses, pink roses, or at lower budget a bunch of sunflowers, doesn't matter.

Afterall, heart matters. What's better than 2 hand delievered egg tarts by the boy I adore on the Valentines day? Especially he looked into my eyes when he handed the 2 egg tarts to me... Heavenly...

Gary and Boris

Recently, I found that Gary and Boris were seperated and became "Gary Kwok" and "Boris and Matthew". I knew about Gary & Boris as they were arrangement behind the brand Armani Fiori. Not sure about now.

I still have a dream to take a long break from my current job and be a part-time helper at either one of the florists. I know to pursue this I had to give up more than my nicely done manicure. I know, 5pf.

New Layout

This is the 3rd year since the blog published.

Here is a brand new layout to kick off the year of rat. The above picture was taken in Fontainebleu in 2006. Is it a dream or a reality? Only I have the answer.

粗口人

最近, 我的朋友常常在我(們)面前爆粗.
最初我還不以為意,但朋友又爆粗又狂叫,我始發覺有點奇怪.
對於心理學非常感興趣的我開始思考他的行為及其動機.

結論是, 他已經當了我們是熟朋友/兄弟了.
是好事嗎?

Random Thoughts - Chinese New Year

The CNY holiday is always easier to handle than Christmas. Even if I folded myself at home for all four days of holiday, there is no bad feeling at all. New year holiday is meant to be bored and doing nothing.

Giving parents red packets has became a practice since last year. Well, once the expectation is built, there is no way of return.

Time for planning this year's investment. I am not greedy. Just expecting an annual return of 10 - 15%.

Should start studying for my paper 1 exam ASAP. Can't fail. It's a face issue. But I can feel the laziness...

Dignity

A single 30 (going on 31) woman could be sensitive.

Apology

Today, someone can't wait to apologise to me on behalf of someone. Really can't wait. First of all, I wasn't offended. Secondly, I felt a bit awkward to hear such polite tone. I was quite surprise about the apology.

I wonder about the intension. 1) He worried about me being offended. 2) He worried about her upsetting me. 3) He was standing up for me. 4) He was standing up for her.

Well, afterall, with good intension, he cares about our relationship. I guess we all treasure our bonding at our little HH moments...

HH

HH has became a weekly event for the three of us since the beginning 08. Sitting next to him, I just wish the clock could tick slowly. Blew water for an hour or so, then we all headed home and rest. Get prepared for tomorrow's battle.

Fish can't live without water

and I cannot live without love

Well, I am still living today because I have the talent to romanticize anything.
A random walk closer by
A silent look at me from the other side of the glass
A causal comment on food I ate
A loud voice at the background over the phone shouting directions
A request for consensus on ordering a cheese platter to share

Every tiny thing happens in life could be romantic. And that's how I am supporting my life all these years

Addiction

Addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life.

Recorded at 23:00 tonight, a compulsion of asking him out. I tied my hands from communicating with him through all means. By 00:00, I passed.

Beijing Grand Hyatt

Felt like a VIP.

Of course, I have sounded my "old friend" out before checking in. To my surprised, Mr. J appeared when I checked in at the front desk. He was so nice to help bring my luggage and escorted me to the room. We chatted a bit.

As usual, I asked my fellow to dine with me at the hotel restaurant. He came by and greeted us. My fellows smiled and a nodded afterwards. :)

After dinner, I caught him for a drink at the bar. Just a nice brief chat. The whole encounter was just nice.

p.s. the fourth deal done in the first 24 days of 2008. May I ask for some luck in my love life too?

As we walk...

We were talking on the way as we walked across Causeway Bay.

My Favourite Things

I like the melody of the song...

"When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't... feel so bad."

Why push ourselves so hard? Can't we leave ourselves some space to daydream and to think of our favourite thing and person? Can't we just take off our shoes and feel the grass? Or even take a nap on the great lawn bare feet. Why leashed by the vibrating devices (to be clear, I mean mobile and blackberry)? Sorry, that's what you are paid for.

and so, here we go

I don't know it was really a confusion or a planned one. Anyways, he acted a bit abnormal or if it was a test. Yet, I was always told men are not that sophisticated.

Urging me to be available earlier than 10pm, he only appeared after me wondering alone in Causeway Bay for half an hour and sat at the bar for almost another half. And yet, he told me he thought it was my call for the drink. Well, I was invited by him to be exact.

Should I be pissed? I was thinking to myself. Even being a friend, I have all the right to be pissed with someone who had me to wait for an hour there alone. So upon his arrival, I was upfront to him that I needed fifteen minutes silence to cool myself off. And I found myself improved. At least I was expressing my true feeling.

A remark by 5pf dd 21st Jan: act confirmed to be the most graceful amongst all alternatives.

He stepped into the elevator. Here we go, wish came true. With a subtle nod, we acknowledged the presence of each other and that's it. I started to wonder about my blog entry the day before.

Third one closed today

This is only 16th.

Hope my luck would never run out.

Only one wish for the rest of the week, that is to see him for once tomorrow.

Delightful

Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: pleasant
Synonyms:
adorable, agreeable, alluring, ambrosial, amusing, attractive, beautiful, captivating, charming, cheery, clever, congenial, darling, delectable, delicious, enchanting, engaging, enjoyable, entertaining, fair, fascinating, gratifying, heavenly, ineffable, lovely, luscious, lush, pleasing, pleasurable, rapturous, ravishing, refreshing, satisfying, scrumptious, thrilling
Antonyms:
depressing, disappointing, horrible, miserable, unhappy, unpleasant

Now, it comes to my favourite part of the year, Chinese New Year, Bonus time, Birthday. Everything is so refreshing and encouraging!!!

These days, I could hear from him almost everyday. The content might not be exactly what I want to hear from him, yet the form is over the content. No more miserable, instead, I am amused.

Learnt something from a new found friend

That is to leave some space for the person I fond of.

One lunch, one dinner and one afternoontea in 4 days. What else should I ask for?

2008 繼續

今年第二宗生意今天做成了! 總算對我老闆有點交代.

原來我的部落格真的有人讀的. 台北喬伊斯媽媽很貼心地打電話來問候一番. 感動吶!!! 後來變我安慰她...

昨天是新年後第一次碰到他, 面對面談了一陣子. 今天又收到他的來電. 這樣便十分滿足.

2008 一將會是美好的一年嗎?

continue to keep slience

Don't know why, I just enjoyed being in the air of his presence. A few times I was caught peeping at him when the third person was talking.

A couple of others complimented my look today. I smiled and reply with blah blah blah. He was the reason for me dressing up. Besides I felt more confident this way.

2008

It has only been 9th days. I am stressed out from work. The first deal of the year was done yesterday. Although the profit is not a mega one, it is a good start. Having some result pushes me to work harder in the coming future.

I cracked down tearing in front of my understanding boss this evening. I know I am starting to raise my own bar.

Take a deep breathe.

Provocachic (sm) by Damian Sim

Inspired by the art form that challenged perceptions – Impressionism, a style that capture the essence of transient moments in unconventional compositions. Quote from http://www.gildedfork.com/provocachic/

從 印象派 藝術的靈感, 誘發出一種捕捉瞬變的跨傳統風格.
从 印象派 艺术的灵感, 诱发出一种捕捉瞬变的跨传统风格.

5pf, time to learn some Chinese. 華語, cool!!!

元氣

沉悶的十二月終於結束. 最怕就是那種過節的責任. 明明不覺得有什麼值得慶祝, 但要勉强慶一慶, 好勁老土.



台北
幾乎結束了一段友誼, 因為她的說話有点太刻簿了.
兩個陌生女孩教了我一件很重要的事, 就是處女男都是犯賤的. 最好就是不要理他.

星加坡
穿着短褲, 人字袘, 走來走去.
忙着見我喜歡的人. 把虛偽通通都留在台北.

香港
很多工作等着我呢!

接着將會是北京...

Sugar coated waterdrop

我們忙着同一件事.
他坐在我對面, 一板一眼的說着.
托着腮, 我很留心的聽.

偶而, 他有千份之一秒的猶疑. 到底前面這個人是真的在聽, 還是已夢遊去了.

深呼吸。。。

就當他是那些大學時代的偶像師兄吧! 在校園偶已碰到便高興一整天的那些. 試想想, 他就是我的倒影. 不喜歡喜歡自己的人, 卻偏偏喜歡不喜歡自己的人。

就只有時間可以讓感覺沖淡。

我想告訴你我上星期去過的那間live band 酒吧, 因為我想你也會喜歡。
我想問你是不是最近常去健身房, 因為我看到你手臂上的老鼠仔好像變大了。
我想告訴你我會去完台北再去新加坡, 要一月七号才回來。放假時我可能會想念你。
我想問你聖誕做什麽? 只是好奇而已。

星座

這是第一次聽到雙魚和處女是相配的.

畫一個圓圈，將圓分成十二等分，並順序填上十二星座，離自己星座的第七個星座，他的性格與你相對，但個性不同可互補，一起生活也會樂融融。

1. 雙魚座
2. 白羊座
3. 金牛座
4. 雙子座
5. 巨蟹座
6. 獅子座
7. 處女座

沈默

靜靜的聽着他唱歌。靜靜的陶醉着。
我不要別人知道, 不要他知道。
可能保持這空間距離讓人和事都美麗些。

不奢求擁有, 因為自問沒有這本事。

No more Genis Record

I thought I am going to become the Genis Record Holder. Holding the record of non stop chewing the bubble gum for a decade. But today, I annouce I give up chewing the piece of tasteless plastic. The idea of creating the record is stupid enough.



The gum was sweet and fun to chew at the beginning. After some time, I realise I kept chewing the tasteless piece for the sake of challenging the record. I'd like to prove myself right that I could do it a decade or longer.



A phone call just woke me from the meaningless challenge. I annouce that I am spitting the plastic out and walk away without any record.

Call from a stranger

I don't know if it was my bad luck day.

This person shouldn't have called me yet we have talked for almost an hour. She might be calling from the outer space.

She is a stranger to me, yet we shared same experience on the same person. I kept asking her what did she want from me. She said "I just want to know more about him from you." I was very cautious about my words even though the old memories were flooding from deep inside. I could not imagine the consequences if I got too emotional in my answer or if I just hung up on her.

While talking to her, I saw myself. I saw a loser. I am glad that I was standing as an outsider hearing a sad story which I was once in. All I could say is what 5pf used to said to me "you deserve better"

Up to here, 5pf, you must be shaking your head and rolling your eyes. Yes, it is unbelievable, but it happened.

Ran into him while I was on mobile. He greeted me with a smile and walked aside.

The feeling was strange. I do not have any incentive to talk to him. Lost interest, may be. Or I know, I am not going to get back what I expected. If so, why bother.

Do I care?

I finally picked up the phone from Mr. C after the Nth time calling. I can still recall he questioned me why was I not returning his messages and not picking his phone calls.

Before our conversation, I bet he must be holding on to his mobile all day. Tried to call himself and made sure the phone was connected. Checked his sent box to make sure the message was delivered properly. Double and triple check if the device was working well.

It was totally alright that I did not know about all these little emtional roller coaster rides he had gone through. Because I was not told and even if I was, I don't care. I would say he asked for it.

If I meant to meet him in the upcoming party this Christmas, I would feel uneasy. Especially when he brought his better half who looked perfectly together with him. The glow on his face would make me think twice if it was my loss.

Of course, if it really happened, I would stay calm on the face. No one would even noticed about the uneasy feeling.

Have you ever thought of...

without you knowing, someone on earth has been spending ample amount of time to think of you, to analyse your behavior and reaction, to remember what you have said, to talk to friends about you and christmas shopping for you.

Even after years, that someone worries about how to behave when sitting diagonal to you and your current partner at the upcoming party.

Do you care?

Taste of Freedom

Parents took off to Singapore. Mammy will be away for a week. Ming and I are free.

We went to a nice brunch, did our nails and had a hair cut. Then went for a drink with Lisa at Armani Bar before heading home.

The good thing about no "parental guidiance" is that we can be spontaneous.

That's why life is interesting. Yesterday, Dan and I had no idea where to eat. We just kept walking. He convinced me to start telling my little one sided story along the way.

Not bothered to think twice, we were sucked into Tsui Wah. Sitting side by side, we ordered and kept talking. Believe it or not, the subject of my talk happened to appear in front of us.

Well, all I want to say is "this is fate".

Love/ Addition

Meredith: In the hospital, we see addiction every day. It’s shocking how many kinds of addiction exist. It would be too easy if it were just drugs and booze and cigarettes. I think the hardest part of kicking a habit is wanting to kick it. I mean, we get addicted for a reason, right? Often, too often, things that start out as just a normal part of your life at some point cross the line to obsessive, compulsive, out of control. It’s the high we’re chasing, the high that makes everything else fade away.

Still, they say you don’t kick the habit until you hit rock bottom, but how do you know when you’re there? Because no matter how badly a thing is hurting us, sometimes letting it go hurts even worse.

Kaleidoscope

Today, I heard a quite creative comment about me -"your mind is like a Kaleidoscope". I took it as a compliment.

Well, too bad he doesn't see this way, or I just do not know.

Killing me softly

At Last... heavenly

Without connection

Wasn't able to connect to internet in the past few days. Bad!

So we met yesterday. Between conscious and unconscious, I avoided any personal talk. I just don't feel there is a need to cross the line. I left the encounter a lot lighter.

Afterwards, I had a total different prospective. It was him who forced me to head this direction.

No big deal

But I am bothered. I surely didn't think too much. Just that his behavior is abnormal. Take a deep deep breathe and move on.

Is that what I want?

"There must be a reason behind everything." That's how we keep our hopes up even when things do not happen in the way we want. May be the reason is as simple as he is not interested.

Here, I annouce the end of an epidsode.

No tears, no hard feelings. Just that we didn't meet at the right space and right timing.

"Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all." - Saint Augustine

I cannot handle it anymore

Take a deep breathe and go with my heart.

Distance

About 30 feet apart, the invisible distance is infinite.

I was always told, no one can read my mind if I stay slient, yet my slience could be very loud too. So, I am trying to strike a balance; At the same time, I am fighting against expectation and fear.

I thought, if I care about someone, why hesitate. Let him ignore me if he meant to. Or, someone who is good at talking may not be good at expressing. May be he appreciates in silence.

First deal closed

I have proven to people that I can make it.
From zero to something, I could feel the level of adrenaline going up.

The sad thing is I could share this with no one.

Singing in the raining

I am in my yellow rain coat, yellow rain boots, under a black umbrella waiting for the rain to stop. I am sitting on the bench patiently waiting for the rain to stop. It just keeps raining (not pouring). From the day before yesterday, yesterday, til present.

I sing when I feel bored, just occassionally.

Sometimes, I play with the water puddle in front of me alone. Sometimes, I sit back to the bench. Waiting for the rain to stop.

Or until one day, I am released from the forever raining crystal ball and return to the sunny land. At least, there is hope for seeing a rainbow out there.

What is going on in the girl's mind?

I was very conscious whenever he walked near. A little voice in my head saying "be yourself!!!".
I noticed a hand was on my shoulder for a short while. A friendly gesture!? I wondered.
There were times that we were looking at each other with no words.

I don't know how much longer I can / have to wait.

The next thing that I am looking forward to is 14th Dec.

Turkey dinner

I must say, it was an enjoyable evening.

Thanks to the one who organised it.

my blog

i am getting suspicious and curious...

ummm.... someone knows about my blog...
I have heard twice from irrelevant ppl mentioning.. put this and that in your blog...

i want to keep this low profile...

dear blogger, just keep this blog to yourself. this is extremely exclusive.

the Rainbow and Cloud series - about the tunnel accident

So i waited for the reply for 2 days... hanging on the invisible partition in front of D & 5pf.

on the 3rd, i have got an apology for the late reply and tonnes of questions about the accident.
on the 4th, the questioning continued... he was so angry and stood up for me...

Rainbow and Cloud

D said, your silence could be very "loud". I knew subconsciously.

It was fear which stopped me from moving forward. I am afraid to be let down, so I rather certify it myself before anything bad happens.

After hours of talks with 5pf and D, I open my heart and learn to be patient.

Be my guest

They are my long waited guests. Last Friday, I have picked 5pf and D from Kowloon station and kicked off our Hong Kong 6 days 5 nights.

I was the tour guide to the 2 guests (with assistant guide Carmen). Telling all the stories about HK and Macau. Trying hard to figure out to turn left or to turn right., to identify which bus to take going to TST.

5pf has reminded me quite a few important things during the visit. I have digested them all.

Day One :

Sunset drink at Aqua. 29th floor of No. 1 Beijing Road;

Dinner at Pressroom, Hollwood Road

Dessert at Sift, Soho

Drink at Fong, LKF Central

Day Two:

Macau

Day Four:

Lunch at Yung Kee, Central

Walk along midlevel

Tea at Pressroom

Walk down hill, Central

Dinner at home

Desert from Kowloon City

Day Five:

Claypot rice at Causeway Bay

Drink at Felix, Pennisular

A tiny reconnection today.

Jason said, he is just a transitional guy.
Kay said, 26th Feb, you are a loner.

I always said, he is a loner... or in fact, the loner is me!?

Cold War

It seems like both of us are frozen.

I think I have made enough moves, I stop and wait for his turn.
He doesn't move so as to avoid sending wrong signal.

Clock ticks and time passes by. Everyone is busy with their life, including us two. Just that our paves never cross in the past... five days.

Quote on Pain - from Grey's Anatomy

Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know; maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.~ Meredith

Under the Water

I could only hear my breathing, but nothing else.

Slience...

Take a deep breathe

Tomorrow is a brand new day. I am in good condition to hold my head up and be the best me. Love myself before expecting someone to love me. There are too many variables that are out of my control. So, just take care of those I have a say on.

No one knows how it is gonna turned out to be. Good or bad!? Well, no matter what, I will still treat him as well. As 5pf said, when you love someone, it is not neccessary to possess him.

I felt helpless as I have got to move on and wait for the appearence of the next one.

Giving up...

It is hard to continue. I have done all I can. I guess the problem is with me. Either I am after the wrong person again, or the way I behave was just not right. All these heart sucking feelings are familiar to me.

I have no patience for this long battle. Or, there isn't any battle. It is simply not working.

I had a nightmare last night. I dreamt of me getting married with the nerd whom I hated from university.

呼吸

適心安排了一場獨腳戲。 我要一個人在戲院喊個痛快。

金基德導, 張震演的呼吸。

主動跟被動, 動與靜，愛與被愛。 思念, 等待, 冀盼。我不停地喊, 是發洩, 是情感的投射。看完出來, 感覺輕了一點。

An unplanned encounter

I am a dreamer and I believe in signs...

The co-incident was a sign. At that very second, we were passing each other in the same space. Our eyes met and a subtle exchange of smile.

That very second was so beautiful as it was unplanned and just happened.

Soup sense

Although, I said I am going to stay low key. I made a move today, still.

This evening, with 5pf's encouragement, I bought him some soup from "Soup Sense" at PP. Hope it helped to comfort the sick person a little bit. I think this is what I wanted to do and was glad I did it. Not much conversation between us over the soup, but I guess it was well received.

Just a "thank you, sweetie" worth ten times more the walk to get the soup... (5pf, please roll your eyes as many times as you can)

Remain low key

That's what I told myself before bed last night.

Well, I was not able to stop myself from ask how he is after knowing that he seemed to fall sick again today... remembering how poor thing he was when telling me how sick he was last thursday and friday...

In return, I received a butch of bull shit. Dan said "maybe he doesn't want you to be nice to him?" Ummm... may be that's right.

So, I am going to be quiet... for at least the next five days... I will try... and let's see what will happen.

Reading between the line...

Although I didn't react to the Times Sq bicycle story, I heard him. I appreciate from the bottom of my heart.

May be I am just one of the many. At least, I am one of the many.

Saved by 5pf

I was confused. Deadly confused.

Tasting between sweet and shit... sweet and shit, again... another round sweet and shit... lucky that the day ended with sweet...

Seems flirting, but not flirting... simply confused.

Knew that he seemed like falling sick soon, I passed him some Redoxon Vitamin C and asked him to drink. I am not sure how a guy would feel about that. Well, that's me and I hope it is expressive enough yet subtle... (self contradicting, I know).

5pf, thanks for reviewing what happened the past 2 days and hope you enjoy the roller coaster rides between "like him" and "don't like him"... I promise, I will find the best timing and try to accomplish the mission impossible. Your laughter just help to clear my confusion away...

Today

This entry contains 2 parts.

a.m.
He appeared in front of me unexpectedly.
To me, he looked like a cute rabbit.

p.m.
Met him again. It was just one disappointing encounter. I was bothered and needed to express it here. 5pf, I am now hesitate to even ask him to meet you. My heart is burning hot and beating very fast. I am not angry, just bothered.

A pleasant surprise

I was sick and felt very bad. So down that I didn't talk to anyone, walked out of the office and got my lunchbox alone.

While opening my lunchbox depressed, at the corner of my eyes, I saw a brown envelope in my so called "intray". Wait, I grabbed the envelope, it was soft inside.

Judging from the crossed addresses of the recycled envelope, I somehow could guess who's the sender.

Surprise... with no medicine, I was waken from my flu. I smiled.

Feeling lousy

Just don't want to talk to anybody at all...
My head is very heavy.

I need some sleep.

Black and White

Don't be bothered who the hell is in the picture. At the moment, he is of no importance. I post this picture because I want to.

He said : See ya whn I m bk.

Keep warm...

Thanks to Dan's enlightenment, I understand guys need some assurance too... especially for those 30mething...

I messaged him last night before bed. Asked how he was doing and told him briefly that I was surviving work.

Since I work up this morning, I have been awaiting for his feedback... and I heard from him at around 9:30am... Of course, he just made my day. He gave me some update and told me it was freezing cold out there.

... My heart sunk a bit... when I heard that he was freezing with a windbreaker..., yet it was heart warming to hear from him...... I hope the momentum could go on... can't wait to see him back...

Sharing the same thought!?

I am bound to sit in front of my work station at lunch, awaiting to join the team meeting. Well, instead of continue looking at my work emails, I was done with facebook, little Chris' photobook, fuigo's blog, reservation for chocolate brunch with 5pf on 18th Nov. So, I sat there and daydream.

The idea just came to my mind : are we just simply having the same thought last night? The answer would never be known.

The buzz this morning might give some hints.

Long weekend in HK

It's approaching the end of my long weekend. I wish the holiday can go on.

I couldn't help dropping him a quick note over yahoo last night. Then I logged off so as to avoid anxiety. Today, he did response. Although we didn't get to chat, I guess, he should get my subtle message that "I was thinking of him".

Thursday afternoon, 1:37pm

Heard from him again today. A short update on how he's doing and if he's alive or dead.

I can't help but wonder... is it a positive sign when a loner keeps me updated on his moves? To me, No gift is better than this.

Here is a love quote

"If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was."

I think this is what 5pf was trying to tell me. Finally, I understand as I am able to set free. The door is opened. As wished, he did walk by and chat briefly. That's just delightful!

I hope he felt the same.

Nanjing and Guangzhou

The trip was simply exciting. Being with my boss on the road for 2 nights, 3 days, we have a lot of quality time for heart to heart talk. She is my savior and my mentor.

The client experiences in China were amazing.

I am dying to get this deal closed. This is going to be a mile stone in my career!

After being away for 3 days, it was delightful to hear from him. Although it was just a quick chat. All I want is to let him know that I am back and that's all.

All night long...

Yeah, I have violated "the rules". Instead of 3 days noticed in advance, I said yes to an invitation 2 hours beforehand. Well, it has been a long waited invitation.


This is the nth time, i quoted this "Nearly all the best things that came to me in life have been unexpected, unplanned by me."

Just treasure and be happy with the 4 hours one on one encouter. And no need to look for more. It will come when it ought to come.

Pulling the string-

In the past weeks, I felt like being tided on a string which end is on his hand.

Whenever I was about to untied myself, he pulled me closer. Closer and closer, until one point, he released.

One second is forever -

The unexpected encounter today. The scene was just beautiful. My romantic movie scene looks like this, their eyes met, the focus is on the two of them, the rest of the setting and people became blur. The scene is turning 180 degree from the girl's point of view to the guy's (the Matrix way of turning). The moment just frozen for that one second.

Screaming

Again super stressed from work....

Ups and Downs

First of all, super stressful at work. And that's it about work.

Well, everything went fine last night. Like Steph and 5pf always suggested, be myself. I did and i think it was well received.

Today... I have picked up a different identity. Everything became upside down.

I felt really bad when seeing his face today.

the next key decision...

Hey, I realised I have already made quite some significant decisions for myself in the course 30 years. Switching from Chinese University to UST, applying for Boston exchange, asking for a relocation to Singapore, moving to Taipei, asking to move back to HK... all these decisions shaped the me today. Cool, isn't it?

Me, standing as an individual, once again made a decision today. It is not as major as relocation, but this is the first time I gave up my personal arrangement for my work.

I have committed my Taiwanese sister to attend her wedding. I have arranged my facial with Bee and nail with Wei Li. I have arranged to meet up with Little S, Kobe, Steph, Ah Chai, Sunny, Ron and my beloved colleagues... oh, and jessie and eugene....

This is a big commitment...
Just the trip for three weeks. Got to get a dress for the black and white ball instead...

I wish he just knows... without me telling...
Harry Potter's turn to give out some potion either for me or him...

My goodness...

It has been a long time since I have a crush on guy. I was sitting next to him over drink with few others. Couldn't help but smiling while looking at him (caught by him for a couple of times). His single eye lids just reminded me of the little boy that I admired from primary school.

We have met three evenings in past seven days, yet all were group gathering. He was thoughtful and tender hearted in some ways. It was really sweet of him. But, the fact might be he treats every girl with such tender heart.

I think I should better keep a distance from him before I fall deeper...

Dear Blogger, again

I wanted to write about my week... a lot to tell...
too bad it's time for bed. I will leave it for later.

Stay tune.

to be or not to be ... a bitch

I realise I am growing into a real bitch. This traces back to my days in Taipei or Singapore. In order to win, I don't care if I need to raise my voice, pick a fight, threaten people or even lie. Getting what I want is in higher priority than how people perceive me. Of course, the story has to be logical and convincing when it is being retold.

My Captain told me about the dramatic fights in the corporate finance business review. All MDs, both male and female, were confronting each other with no hesitation. Being mean and think skin seems to be one of the prerequisite of being successful.

In the office, being nice doesn't gain you what you want nor any respect. In contrary, being mean and make yourself clear about the demand (if not loud enough, I can be louder), then you are likely to get what you want, with a downside of being called a bitch behind the back.

Do I care? Let those stupid people call me name. I don't really care after I turned 30.

喜歡

越來越難說出口, 不是不喜歡, 但要想的太多了.

每次坐在他的對面, 我都很想知道關於他的多一點. 可是他懶講, 我也不敢多問. 不敢是為怕知太多我會不再喜歡...

Which is your next?

I am eyeing on Nano...

我有一堆看了會心酸得喉嚨像被嗆住了, 卻欲哭無淚的愛情片. 就是因為愛得曖昧, 似是而非.

花樣年華
Lost in Translation
空屋情人
生日快樂

我想「呼吸」將會是下一部...
這些戲, 我都喜歡躲起來看.