It has been 75 hours since I last heard from hun. I am trying to stay calm, yet can't stop thinking of him.

I have lost touch with Hun for almost 40 hours. Wondering how's thing with him...

Hun's missing. So, I didn't turn off my phone awaiting for his SMSs.
Instead, I caught an urgent message from client and helped the case.

So, that meant to happen.

Finally, I have got 2 of my wisdom teeth extracted today. That hour on the dentist chair felt like forever. I must say dentist is skillful, particular extracting the second one. It only took her less than 1 minute to finish the job. And the wound is not painful at all.

At least, this is a big achievement of me in 2010. Can't remember how long I have been avoiding this task.

I am enjoying my home holiday... i.e. no travel, just stay home for days workfree.

I workout, yoga, pedi, mani, lashes and brows... see Chinese Dr., massages, read books, download MP3, watch Modern Family non-stop, go to bed early after glasses of wine, hum Frank Sinatra Christmas songs while shopping at EA among all the comrades...

And I am thinking of someone...

Love flows... never over

In a split second, I had a soft hearted moment.

As long as there is still love...

your words were running towards me like knives. you wouldn't imagine how much it hurts, both me and the relationship. yes, you have won the battle but you have destroyed what we have built together in the last 15 months.

I am letting go.

Counting down to our weekend. Just 24 hours to go...

I was sitting by the window, talking about our feelings to each other with open hearts. Reminded me of 365 ago...

I should appreciate all the care he has put into the details we have gone through today.

I feel unloved and unimportant. For you, seeing me becomes a routine. You won't bother to put extra thoughts into how to spend time with me anymore. I am just someone to fit in your schedule, particularly at the non-peak and in betweens. I am someone who received a last minute call to fill the 2 hours gap between you awake from a late night out and your weekly run. What "quality time" could we have. Have you thought about my feelings and needs as your girlfriend? I think you have, but you ignore it as you think I do not have a choice but to comply. That is pathetic.

I always have a choice. In the past, I chose to accomodate because of the love between us. I have been striving to be motivated in this relationship. Now, I just feel unloved and unimportant. I am not trusting your love anymore. I don't feel the care and respect. I am running out of strength to love.

I am letting go.

Not angry but sad.
Sad about helplessness, sad about being rejected, sad about love fading.

My feeling is hurt. Still hurts.
I thought we could spend a weekend together uninterrupted. One last weekend we are going to share all by ourselves in 2010.

My feeling is hurt, because you see no importance in it, in us, in me.

to Ricky, another pieces

sifu, its time to release your creativity. start a blog and you will find the sky outside of sky...

I found work really painful...
Don't feel good about it at all.

原來孤單, 心痛, 無奈, 失落, 悲傷 是我的謬司.

我的心時重, 時輕,
重是因為一手經營的信任被破壞, 不知要多久才能修補過來.
重是因為我想牽着你看月光, 可是信心不大.
輕是因為我打算給你所有的時間去消化和沉澱, 我也該想一想.
輕是因為你曾告訴我只要大題目不變, 其它只是小問題.

May be I need this kick to be conscious in soul searching.
Who am I? What I like and dislike? What do I care most, what not?

我的失言傷害了我最珍惜的人, 說了的收不回.
現在唯有用時間去撫平這傷害.

一個想法, 一句說話像刀一般鋒利, 割破了我們建立好久的信任.
我很希望被原諒, 被包容. 我想已沒有什麽補救方法了.

接下來的日子將會很難過...
希望陰天快過, 天晴再來臨.

Somewhere only we know