Listen to my heart

Less than 20 mins to 2009.

A number of memorable things have happened to me in 2008. All in all, it was an interesting year. The road in front is not easy but yet I am full of faith. The most important thing to me is I should continue my journey by listening to my heart.

I am not a material girl, I am a dreamy romantic pisces.

Balance

I am giving it a try. Learn to love without love at first sight. Not sure if it's gonna work out. Give both him and myself a chance.

Plenty of daydream... to balance my mind. Forgive me, cos' I really need it.

D confessed about him spying and stalking on someone he admired.

I am just second to him in a different way, of course, harmless ways...

Just not keen to go to work

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

so romantic

that's life

if not the phone was by my side, i won't got the message. if not I got the message, i won't go out. And i won't be sent home by uncle...

smile.

seems that 2008 christmas is going to be a good one...

2:08 am. a bit tipsy...
i couldn't help to tell the person in the pix about my heart beat...
my honesty is appreciated.
ha...

New Year Resolution 2009 #1

loss 2kg or more by birthday.

妄想

好鬼死耐無試過個心跳得咁快。可能有十幾廿年吧！
喂, 真係好鬼難得咁興奮。青春真係無價。我響度懷疑某人根本係特登將張相舖比本小姐睇嘅。哈哈，似唔似「思覺失調」嗰d人，話新聞響度講緊佢呀。

我同自已講，肥同肚腩係唔可以再出現嘅！再唔做d嘢就真係死咗唔駛恨。。。

heart beat

In one evening, I had my heart beat fast twice. Second time beated 10 times faster and still beating fast now. OMG!

Chemistry Class

I was reading my book on the ferry to China. The paragraph about "Dopamine" caught my attention. I read repeatedly, it said " Basically, anything the brain perceives to be enjoyable will cause dopamine to lock onto brain cells and build a permanent memory trace of where pleasure comes from."

I am glad to know that at least I know the source of my urge.

- findings from wikipedia on Dopamine
Dopamine is commonly associated with the pleasure system of the brain, providing feelings of enjoyment and reinforcement to motivate a person proactively to perform certain activities. Dopamine is released by naturally rewarding experiences such as food, sex, drugs, and neutral stimuli that become associated with them.

It's complicated

There was no goodbye at the door. Never mention about our next encounter, as none of us knows what will happen next.

I wish, if there is a next, everything could be more simple and straight forward.

Blank

The clock is ticking... the world is turning...
In 1/10 sec, I passed out...

I have done a good job controlling my emotion through out these days. Yet, my true feeling is somehow confined. Is this the price of growing up?

Shall we dance

I had a few glasses over dinner. With a light hearted mood, I danced along with the host to Michael Buble. I, know nothing about dancing, just followed the lead and turn carefree. I was laughing and the audiance applaused.

Am I ready to let go of the control I am obssessed with and follow the lead?

Proof of Age

The colour of this bus ticket is fading, so is my memory. The typings from the vending machine could bearly be read... 16:14... 20AU... 90c...

Thought I was able to keep my memory by holding on to this tiny slip, yet I can't do much to avoid the image turn blurry. At the end, the tiny slip is just a waste when no more memory is attached to it.

May be this is the best way to set me free from clinging to the past.

Sleep walk

Not then, but now.


My memory is fading, probably because of age. I couldn't keep track of when exactly was the last time we met. Two or three years ago? No matter how hard I tried to search my files in my brain, I couldn't be sure about it.

It is just weird, we must wait even longer to see each other for the next time. Well, better than never... or may be never. Who knows?

And I rather stay in dream.

Book

Kept thinking, but no action. I must not give myself a chance to look down on me. I am going to bring all entries out of the virtual space. It is safer to be in my bookshelf.

Will get it done by Christmas 2008.

Silent rebel

I am still upset about what had happened and the way matter was handled. Now, I am making a stand to show that I have a choice. I chose not to show up and not to be supportive. I lied and we both knew. A lie that you and I chose to believe.

This marked an end and the friendship went flatline.

White Lie

As I grew old, I realise, sometimes telling a white lie makes no harm. Everybody will be happy. The reality is too cruel to be faced, why put it on the table? With one white lie, everybody has their staircase to step down elegantly... why not?

I am sad, no matter what. If so, I prefer to make other's life easier.

Going to Singapore is a good excuse to escape.

Outside of the circle

I was told I belong to the outside. We met outside of his circle and at the end, he will go back into it. Good description. Now, I understand.

I am just passer-by, not important, at all...

In a gay club

Only until I experienced it, I realise how much fun it is when I am 100% care free and be my true self at clubbing.

I actually joined the conversation of the guys standing next to me. I ran into people from all paves, speaking Taiwanese, French, Japanese... We were all enjoying the company of each other and laughing so hard.

About friendship

It was over the top of my tolerance level. I gave him a piece of my mind via sms. May be I am done with putting up with his "being spontaneous".

I let go of another other one...

remember with my taste bud

A friend asked me what good is Singapore? This is one of the FAQs to me. I realise, not too many people agree with me on good food in Singapore. No no no, not Pepper crabs...

Black carrot cake in the very warm hawker centre, Curry mee at Hong Lim after the long queue, Fishball noodle late night at Newton, Roti prata at River Valley before rolling home after zouk, Green eggs at Epicurious along river side on a lazy Sunday, a Teh from the little tuck shop behind Suntec at snaking hour, Chicken rice at Chin Chin Purvis St..

The taste is unique to me as my very own Singapore memories to come with.

2009

I have been thinking of spending 1 week each in Shanghai and Beijing next year and wonder around the cities, alone or with Ming if she is also up for it.

It just keeps haunting me. Keep thinking about what excuse i should come up with not attending. I have to lie to everyone around me, including my closest. D said I can't face it cos' I am not over it yet. That's not true. Just that I am not comfortable with the fact that someone taking a vow, promising to be with another person together forever. Yet, the person doesn't mean it. Smiling, laughing and cheering for the rest of the world but himself. I don't want to be part of it, faking it together with him. Why? Why we need to do that? Why am I forced to do that?

Hard earned weekend

I am going to watch TV like there is no tomorrow...

You are my person

One of the many reasons I am addicted to Grey's is the friendship between Meredith and Cristina. In the first season, Cristina revealed her secret preganancy to Meredith and told her that she was put as the emergency person. That's where "the person" came from.

And in the Fifth season, Meredith is struggling about moving in with Derek.
Meredith: If I'm going to do this, and be whole and healthy and be a warm, gooey person who lives with a boy... then I need you on board. I need you to cheer me on. Because you're the only one who knows me. Darkly. Really knows me. I need you to pretend that I can do this even if you don't believe. Because if you abandon me now, I will never make it, and I will never get my happy ending and that's just...life.
Cristina: Mer, why do you care what I think?
Meredith: Because you're my person!

Lucky to have found my person away from home.

Copybook

I just went through some wedding pictures of an old friend from Singapore. Shots after shots of a happy bride, making grant entrance, cutting cake, toasting, giving speech, laughing next to the groom... Many of my Singapore friends are now married. They should all have their beautiful shots from the wedding day.

But why all seem to be in the same mode?

Like Lisa said, people out there are writing copybook, it must start with capital letter A and ended with Z. Why bother to composite anything unique?

I had my Singapore outing for 7 days.

Spent some quality time with my parents. Had a good chat over brunch with 5pf, catching up on work and play.

I hate the fact that I didn't have sufficient alone time to sort things out (the only achievement was the 3 hours on flight, reading paper, book and working on my saving plan). It has been very stressful at work since the beginning of September. Very uncertain.

May be I will spend the coming few "parent-free" days to sit and think.

After Singapore trip...

I ask myself to save for the rainy days.
Dine out less and drink less is essential.

Planning my trip to Singapore...

As simple as that...

The couple sat there in front of the church. Talking into each other's ears and kissing on the cheeks...

in Lisbon

沒結果

鬧哄的約會告終 感覺驟變空
空似是街邊的風 凍或還是痛

擁抱著晚風 怎算是抱擁
不過又心中洶湧 你臂胳 你面容 你在情動
在這夜多麼的想你 明明明白不應再想起
愛吧 就來愛愛我吧 用我一晚自尊去換你

或許我是野花 偏你是野草
怎再又裝作不知道 你亂懷亂抱
知道又怎麼 你一笑我便醉倒
不要又心中洶湧 你眼眸你熱唇 你是情做

by 林憶蓮

2008, I am 31, single.
On a random day, I pick this old song from my ipod and is stunned...
A song written 16 years ago, listening to it today, I am hitted by every single words in the lyric.

Instead of giving money

I chose to give my time and effort directly.

What an obsession

Well, I have taken home my very own Sex and the City Movie DVD.

Friendship

My friends like (and hate sometimes) me the way I am and never attempt to change me.

500 hits

Stolen hours in the middle of the night. Dead slience.

Counting cash notes hidden under the pillow (left over EUR & GBP from trip), reviewing the account statements and registering outstanding debt from people, that's what a single old woman does on a sleepless night.

Lou and Andy

2 characters who I used to feel nonsense yet now fall in love with. A beliver of friendship, I am impressed by one who takes care of a friend selflessly. Even though it is just a character on TV.
http://www.lou-and-andy.com/
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lou_and_Andy

The holiday finished.

What's left are jet lag, wide awake at 4am, evening meeting til now...

The holiday begins

... Yeah... A hard earnt holiday!!!

firework

was talking to my married girl friends about the crush...

they hold a totally different prospective.

i kept having internal conversation with myself while talking to them. Firework or not? What do I want? Me, I know better. At this point, I am not brave enough for another spectacular firework. I want something that last.

Turning 30's... bloody hell...

I know exactly what i am doing and I prefer a friendship much more than just a spike in life. Even he hinted again and so what.

I love UST

D

I was talking to D on my way back from work.

Heart-warming...

Busy Bee

Too many things to do, too little time to think, in turn, I have too little output for the blog.

Recent projects for me are to lose weight (I am not talking only, but aim at workout four times a week) and to prepare for trip to Lisbon and London.

I'd like to write about the summer, the Olympics, the Sunday mission, the primary school mates encounter, etc... I will try to take some "time out" and allow myself to think.

Typhoon No.8

Wind fall holiday came just like a lottery. Since it was not a hard earnt holiday, the time was burnt aimlessly.

Served on the web, played with Wii fit for 45 mins, organised my itunes, created my "workout" playlist, watched 2nd half of "21"...

Pray for my iphone babe

Get well soon

Did it once, and now twice

Because of one comment by D, I went on diet in 2005 November. I got rid of 4Kg. I gained them back in the course of one year.

I let go in 2007. And now, I have to take the consequence.

2008, no D by my side, I decided, it's time for me to do it again.

First time in 3 years

For 3 hours, we sat at Redmoon, chating over 2 sparkling and 2 single whisky on rocks.
First time in 3 years we had such long talk. It was light hearted and fun.

First time in 3 years, we were no longer hotelier and guest, we are friends.

One thing didn't change is, it is enjoyable looking at his handsome face.

Solo walk home from Sunday Yoga

The walk home after my Sunday yoga is truely therapeutic. My body was well sweated and stretched at the session. My mind was calm and clear. Listening to my favourite tunes, I enjoyed the little 15 minutes walk home. Daydreaming. Vistualising my favourite moments of the past week. That's a private little place I found after moving back home.

3rd round at 5 Bowen Road

Daniel frowned when I reached. Well, he did it as he knew he was getting the girls attention. He was excited about seeing me. But today, there were too many people in the room. The attention was diverted.

Sunny was a bit blue today. We were guessing it was about Henry's departure. And I was surprised by learning that Sunny is actually much older than he appears.

Pheonix lowered his head while I was sitting in front of him. He petted me when I looked away. Then I realise, my presence meant something to him.

Henry looked very sharp today. May be he is getting ready to stand on his own, leaving the big warm family.

by his side

Death seems remote but near.

I don't know how to react when I was told by a good friend about his loss. Hope a box of hand delivered pastries could offer a little support to the grief.

He told me, the box was opened at the end of the family dinner. The muffins, danishes, croissants and scones were shared among the family. And their breakfasts of the next morning were then well taken care of.

I smiled.

Some more about new friends

This time, I spent more time with Chuk Nam, Abraham and Wallace. Of course, I have not forgotten Sunny and Daniel.

Chuk Nam is emotional and wants to be served. He pays attention to our talking at the table and easily gets agitated he was th subject of discussion.

Abraham is the little one yet smart. He is not acting like a gentleman when eating his lunch. Shake head...

Laughing with head falling behind... over very simple jokes... or funny gestures... gegegegege...

12 new friends

Last Sunday, I met them at Bowen Rd, Central.

It was full of laughter through out the 4 hours encounter. I could only recalled a few names, Sunny, Daniel, Jed, Justin, Lindsey (the only gal), Tobias, Phonix... I will get to know them better next Sunday.

Sunny has small eyes like me. He is a car lover. He is quiet yet very active.

Daniel has watery eyes and beautiful eye brows. His eyes could talk. When he looked at him, my heart just melt.

Lindsey is a shy girl. She knows people are paying attention to her even when her head down, reading her book quietly at the corner.

Tobias is a smart boy. A typical attention seeker. Whoever new came in, he ran across and give the person a big warm hug.

Justin knows very well what he wants and doesn't want. Very straight forward.

Jed is another quiet character. He sat there watching most of the time. I won't forget the smile on his face when I passed by him.

Knowing these new friends gives me new prospective to life.

Looking for my heartbeat...

At 1/1000 second, I heard my heartbeat since a long time...
And everything then returns to normal.

Simply my build-in suppressor was activiated unconsciously.

三過家門而不入

In the past, I always heard people saying that having business trip to here and there around the world, but haven't been to anywhere but airport, cab stands, hotel and office.

It was hard to believe til I experienced myself. Heart broken...

Nike ID Studio in Shanghai
Nike ID Studio in Beijing

And I hope I won't miss this - Nike ID Studio London

Gte Carrie away

Just came back from the Sex and the City movie. It is a gift to a SATC fan like me. What is better than sitting in front of the big screen, watching two and a half hours of prolonged episode after the finale four years ago with no commercial break at all?

Sitting at the theatre, resting my feet on the chair in lotus position, I enjoyed through out the movie. Seeing Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte, I felt like meeting my old friends after years, longing to know what's going on with them. So touchy. Mom who was watching as well couldn't understand why Mong and I were tearing like hell thoughout.

I don't mind watching the movie again, just as I was repeating the TV episodes for lost count of times. And the wardrobe was just amazing.

Ritz Calton

Ritz Singapore is my favourite hotel.

I always enjoy appreciating its flower decorations everywhere. The Chihuly Lounge was where 5pf and I exchanged a lot of thoughts back in my Singapore days. The Sunday champagn brunch at Greenhouse was just one heavenly serving.

The rooms are just luxurious and pampering.

End of Grey's Season 4

and got to wait til fall for the next season.

My tears are not dried yet...

Response to Poles Apart

I think 5pf shares the same view about preparing a gift for your love ones is a bless. Especially when the receiver appreciated as what it is.

well, pre-birthday present is just a name. We both know, even we are poles apart... the heart and thought for each other just eliminate the physical distance. It's a two-way traffic.... takes two to clap...

It has been 3 years we were apart.

My Favourite Magazine

After being away from home for 5 years, I would never take it for granted to having a newstand around the corner where freshly published magazines are lying there like a buffet meal.

Each weekend, I am trying to squeeze some solo time, sitting there under the natural sunlight, reading my magazines over a freshly brewed coffee. On flight (flying C without boss) is also a very good time to absorb the essence of magazines.

Here is a list of my favourite magazines: -

Ming Pao Weekly - book B : 沒有八卦, 只有娛樂/玩樂。新知, 潮流, 奢華, 科技, 所有敗家的。
Milk : bible to keep myself young
iMoney : 精讀一週財經。順便貼堆心水。
HK Mag : 勝在免費, 有expat feel, 吃喝玩樂。响星加坡都會睇SG Mag.
Jet Magazine : 有明報book B嘅影子, 不過衰在太重。 最喜歡是有一陣子在機場有賣細版, HKD15.
City Magazine : 型人既標志。又貴又大本。仲記得細個响大表哥(Yuppies 代表) 個房見過。最近反而有趣睇「生活」, 中國版號外。

MUSE

She is not with me recently, therefore the entries are getting less and less frequent. The temporary departure of "her" might not be a bad thing.

She is the emotional, sentimental me.

Investment and reading

These are the themes of this weekend.

Investment - time for me to take up the responsibility to manage the "fund". It is going to be my part-time job.

Reading - mostly magazines.

No. 2477

發乎情 止乎禮

偶然總比刻意來得有意思。

在糢糊與清醒之間, 彷彿看見你從人群中冒出來。
心裹很希望這不是夢。

別離時那緊緊的擁抱, 已替代了千言萬語。

Prepare for retirement

I am working hard to grow my money.

他說...
你不要死, 你死了誰來陪我玩?

Law of Attraction

Agyness Deyn is my new favourite.

天各一方

我承認都是貪玩之過, 就這樣賠上了十年的友誼。
他認為心照不宣比較酷, 可惜我們未能達成共識。
可能發生的根本毫無原因, 沒有解釋。

最後, 我倆獨自對坐, 四目交投, 無言以對。

"但假如有一日 我地真係喺路上面偶然咁撞倒
我地會點下頭 問候一下 然後已經唔知講乜好"

"You have to kiss a lot of frogs, before you find a prince"

Quoted from 3M Corporate slogan.

琉璃屋裡孤獨的薔薇

淚水一串串在他臉上流着, 實在叫我心痛鼻酸。
我一邊伸手替他擦眼淚, 一邊告訴他不要緊。
一切都心照不宣。要說的最後還是說了。
道出的是超乎想像的孤寂。
無力地抱着他哭, 我恨我也只是個軟弱的女子。

哭過了, 生活還是要繼續。
再高的牆都爬過, 沒有什麼可怕。
我倆背後彷彿都長出了翅膀。

練到贏

This is the latest slogan of Nike's ad. I caught it when I was on the cab in Beijing city and it is motivating!

I am reminded, I was once an athlete as well... where have my sportmenship gone?

Once, the movie

So, if you want something
And you call, call
Then I'll come running
To fight, and I'll be at your door

"When your mind's made up"

Are you really here or am I dreaming
I can't tell dreams from truth
or it's been so long since I have seen you
I can hardly remember your face anymore

"If you want me"
:
:

What tweaked me was the helplessness and the imperfection in life. Lives become more complicated as we grow old. Lots of responsibilities are to be shouldered and things are not as straight forward. Desire is not necessarily be satisfied. It's a matter of worthiness...

The girl said "It sounds interesting, but it is just worthless"... Practicality kills the desire. I feel sad.

So we talk

at least we faced it together.

sunk

My heart sunk when I read "I just quit" on RM from uncle.

"QUIT" is definitely a big word to me.

Knowing it first hand from him, I appreciate the fact that he treated me a little bit than a passerby...

Heart to heart

I am so grateful to have a number of life time friends. Yes, although I am only at my 30's, I can already make a conclusion.

D, 5pf, sarah and lisa (last 2 marginally)...

At the end of the day, what defines life time friend is

- beyond words on mutual understanding
- no judgement

One thing I learnt lately (actually 5pf has been preaching in a subtle way). If you are not perfect, don't expect others to be. When you befriend with a person, accept who he/she is. Do not try to change him/her. He/She is a human being, not a Barbie doll.

With a perfect companion, it doesn't matter if the encounter is taken place in a 5 stars hotel with a perfect live band playing Norah Jones or just a 24 hours McD over a cup of coke and OJ... and no smoking at all....

Quarter end break

It is proaching the end of a 9 days holiday.

Lots of reflection throughout the past days and many to write about.

Biker

Good that I am distracted easily...

I've received a unexpected invitation. A pleasant surprise!

heartache to headache

The dynamic between us is hard to handle, as well as my emotion.

From now on, I just pretend nothing has happened. Hope time can wash everything away, including the pain in my heart.

Speechless

This is now a totally speechless situation.

I don't want to hurt him with my sharp words; don't want to manipulate him with my tactics; don't want to make him feel sorry by victimising myself.

Meanwhile, what I need is time. Time to distract myself and move on.

Takes two to clap

As if it was just a peck on the cheek, why should I take it so seriously?
It always takes 2 to clap. He made the move, I didn't resist.

What happened last night told me there is nothing to be sorry about.

As prophet 5pf said, if not it happened to you, it would be somebody else.

Recent favourite

太陽花

作詞：鄭國江　作曲：陳百強　編曲：趙文海

她的一張小粉臉 竟可使我意志堅
看見她使我再不敢隨便叫苦或怨天
她的一張小粉臉 照澈我心
叫我能共現實作戰
望著那地平線重獲信心　她感染
願帶著歡笑來為你寫詩一篇
想將新詩高歌一遍 將它標記這一天
歌聲快樂熱情為你添
願摘太陽花　來為你編織冠冕
用快樂歡笑　來做我新的起點
新的歌聲沙灘響遍 斜陽如醉
暖暖紅日就像你的臉

I cry

After 3 weeks, it finally hit me.

I thought I was going to keep it to myself forever, yet I chose to reveal to 5pf. She is the one who won't judge me no matter how ugly I got.

There were a lot of reflections afterwards, as if I was looking into a rear mirror. I bursted out tearing for the first time. I cried not because I regreted, but because I realised I have neglected such beautiful heart being next to me no matter where I was in the past years.

It striked me because I am going to lose my angel. He was striked by my words "end of an era".

I finally understand...

I took it for granted.

Just that I was too comfortable having him there for me always. He is there to hug me whenever I need a big one. He is just a phone call away whenever I found no answer to my question.

Who knows he is my guardian angel for a decade...

I hear myself.
I hear the reason. Only til now, the feeling gets to me.

Struggle

The thought ran through my mind over and over again these few days. It's a fight between my moral and desire.

No matter how fierce the fight is, it remains within.

Saturday brunch

Brunch at Cru with Hun on last Saturday. Then we decided to chill out at Hun's apartment. Stepping into his very own apartment, the peacefulness just reminded me about the days on my own. My desire of moving out attacks me.

We watched "Russian Dolls" over rose champagn and parma. Although both of us were dead tired from the previous night out, it was still a nice and easy afternoon.

3omething = grown up!?

We both knew the rule of game too well. Although the desire was burning, nobody moved. Both were waiting for the next unplanned encounter. It took less then 14 days to happen.

We walked one step closer to the edge together, yet we agreed that was not the right time to jump.

I am still speechless. The pain is beyond words.

Ramen solo

Talking about "solo".

I treasure some "alone" time occassionally. Without obligation going home for dinner tonight, I kept the evening for myself.

I researched for the ramen place I passed by all the time at Yau Ma Ti. Simply looking at the queue, I just do not bothered to convince anyone to go with me. After 50 mins wait, I finally sat down and enjoyed my ramen. Not bad.

I won't disapprove anybody's life style and I wish nobody would disapprove mine.

Best of both world

An engaged man was telling me how tough it is to face temptations around and there is a long way to go after getting married. And said what if... he is single.

For thirty minutes, he "lectured" me for not being able to open up to meet my Mr. Right and I will end up being alone forever, i.e. single.

Spoke to a girl friend over the phone, asking about her married life. She complaint about her newly wedded husband hung out every single Friday with friends until 4am, 5am and left her alone at home.

She asked me if I am seeing anyone special. She said, I shouldn't be having flings around and should settle down. I can't help but response by saying "at least, I am the one hanging out til 4am on Fridays".

Can I be single, but not single? Can I be married, but not married?

Flu

This is a brand new idea told by a single man. My Mr. Island, Hun.

He said, having a fling is just like having a flu. You know it takes time to recover and it will be gone soon. Everything will be back to normal then.

I like this idea.

p.s. Hun complimented my blog entry. He said the words are beautifully put together.

I wanted to talk.
But I can't think of anything to say.
I can't find no reason to do so.

So I remain silence until we are both ready.

走鋼線

想也沒有想過,
從哪來的勇氣,
讓那藏了很久的心意向彼此表達了.

我猜, 也再不必多言.

很難 張震嶽

有一天的一個晴天　陽光映在這張舊沙發
躺下來閉上眼　渾然不知寂寞正在蔓延
昨天的激情　今天的空寂
還有一張慘白的臉　慢慢改變
一杯水和一支香煙　混合安靜孤獨的氣味
是真情是謊言　星期天的早晨別太絕對
瘋狂的世界陌生的鞋　鎖在門之外
有時候　想把自己關起來　
還是　學著把心門打開
人與人之間的關係變得不理不睬　
習慣無關緊要的冷淡
有時候　莫名其妙哭起來　難道這就是自怨自哀
誰不希望像飛鳥一樣自由自在　誰不希望啊　誰不希望　只是很難

There is another secret to be kept.

Now I am sober.
But I guess I wasn't drunk.

Flattered...

I am loved by so many friends whom I met along the journey...

5pfx2, lisax3, sarahx2, steph, margaret, brandon, daniel darling, YT, jason, hun, ivan, dan, sherry, conny, fuigo...

I kept my eyes open to enjoy every moment being pampered by all of you...

Happy

You're a part time lover and a full time friend
The monkey on you're back is the latest trend
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Here is the church and here is the steeple
We sure are cute for two ugly people
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

We both have shiny happy fits of rage
I want more fans, you want more stage
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

You are always trying to keep it real
I'm in love with how you feel
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

I kiss you on the brain in the shadow of a train
I kiss you all starry eyed, my body's swinging from side to side
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

The pebbles forgive me, the trees forgive me
So why can't, you forgive me?I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Du du du du du du duduDu du du du du du dudu
I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else
But you

Lyric of "Anyone Else but You" O.S.T. from Juno

hollow

Dinner tonight was just hollow. It didn't feel good at all.

Thank god I brought my buffer. At least I have someone to fall on anytime. Too much fake smile these day. Tonight, I have put a big one on to cover my disappointment.

To me: It is about time to take a step back and cool myself off a bit, from people I have once thought I could rely on. Take a deep breathe, stand up and move on.

Black

Black is the colour.

I wish I were alone in my very own space and sink. Sink to the bottom.

It was depressing and helpless. If possible, I would get someone to cut open my head and disconnect the nerve that dominate my emotion. Then, may be I would be happier.

The journey from office to home felt longer than normal.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

I am happy to start using my aquamobile.

On the other hand, I have spent hours to search for a free software which can help to manage sms in my HTC touch, despite my upcoming exam is burning.

On the cab on my way home, I was reminded Hun once told me back in my college year, when everyone was still holding on to a beeper. All the "saved" messages should have been saved here (pointing to his heart), not in the beeper. He told me this when I was whining about all precious messages were gone after my beeper ran out of battery.

Does it really matter if the digital messages are erased along with the old phone? Should I rely on a digital device to safe keep my memories? Or should it be following me? Or it is already following me but I am not aware? May be if I am able to let go of those I ought to let go, then I have the capacity for something new to be saved?

I have once said how much I wish my brain works like any of the digital device that after a hard reboot everything could be erased without a trace. Shouldn't I be happy to let go of those I was not able to let go? Am I stuck in a sugar coated water drop too much that I have missed out a lot of beautiful things happening around me?

selfish kids

We are doing it the way we each want. Going the pace we are each comfortable with. I sms a plain statement just because I wanted to. He didn't response right away, cos' he didn't see the need. Or he didn't care. He responsed in a teasing tone when he found the chance.

No, he didn't miss it. It didn't slip his mind. It is just at a lower priority.

Open up

Embracing my 31st birthday, I am prepared for series of celebration starting this Saturday. Afterall, this is the first birthday in Hong Kong after 5 years being away from home.

I was telling Hun about this : I think I have done what ought to be done. If I see no response, there is no point to keep pushing. I refuse to make myself an annoyance to my counterpart, especially when he is someone I like.

Hun said he has a different approach. If he was in my shoe, he would keep pursuing until the counterpart tells him to stop. Yet he respected my view as it is advance thinking.

Hun being another Piscean, could be same same but different from me. Yet to tell his story about Valentines day flowers.

Remark: at this point, I am done with my meditation. I see myself in good progress recovering from last night.

Post long night out syndrome

Sitting myself up with a heavy head, I can't stop my brain replaying the songs I heard last night.

This morning, I kept reminding myself about the "zero expectation"rule. Take a deep breathe, eat an orange, drink more water and move on with better things to do over the weekend.

14th February

Seeing the delivery boys and girls with bouquets of very nicely arranged roses on hand and calling the recipients at the lift lobby, I always fantasize one of them was calling for me.

Yet to me, sincerity is more than everything. Whether it is a bouquet of red roses, pink roses, or at lower budget a bunch of sunflowers, doesn't matter.

Afterall, heart matters. What's better than 2 hand delievered egg tarts by the boy I adore on the Valentines day? Especially he looked into my eyes when he handed the 2 egg tarts to me... Heavenly...

Gary and Boris

Recently, I found that Gary and Boris were seperated and became "Gary Kwok" and "Boris and Matthew". I knew about Gary & Boris as they were arrangement behind the brand Armani Fiori. Not sure about now.

I still have a dream to take a long break from my current job and be a part-time helper at either one of the florists. I know to pursue this I had to give up more than my nicely done manicure. I know, 5pf.

New Layout

This is the 3rd year since the blog published.

Here is a brand new layout to kick off the year of rat. The above picture was taken in Fontainebleu in 2006. Is it a dream or a reality? Only I have the answer.

粗口人

最近, 我的朋友常常在我(們)面前爆粗.
最初我還不以為意,但朋友又爆粗又狂叫,我始發覺有點奇怪.
對於心理學非常感興趣的我開始思考他的行為及其動機.

結論是, 他已經當了我們是熟朋友/兄弟了.
是好事嗎?

Random Thoughts - Chinese New Year

The CNY holiday is always easier to handle than Christmas. Even if I folded myself at home for all four days of holiday, there is no bad feeling at all. New year holiday is meant to be bored and doing nothing.

Giving parents red packets has became a practice since last year. Well, once the expectation is built, there is no way of return.

Time for planning this year's investment. I am not greedy. Just expecting an annual return of 10 - 15%.

Should start studying for my paper 1 exam ASAP. Can't fail. It's a face issue. But I can feel the laziness...

Dignity

A single 30 (going on 31) woman could be sensitive.

Apology

Today, someone can't wait to apologise to me on behalf of someone. Really can't wait. First of all, I wasn't offended. Secondly, I felt a bit awkward to hear such polite tone. I was quite surprise about the apology.

I wonder about the intension. 1) He worried about me being offended. 2) He worried about her upsetting me. 3) He was standing up for me. 4) He was standing up for her.

Well, afterall, with good intension, he cares about our relationship. I guess we all treasure our bonding at our little HH moments...

HH

HH has became a weekly event for the three of us since the beginning 08. Sitting next to him, I just wish the clock could tick slowly. Blew water for an hour or so, then we all headed home and rest. Get prepared for tomorrow's battle.

Fish can't live without water

and I cannot live without love

Well, I am still living today because I have the talent to romanticize anything.
A random walk closer by
A silent look at me from the other side of the glass
A causal comment on food I ate
A loud voice at the background over the phone shouting directions
A request for consensus on ordering a cheese platter to share

Every tiny thing happens in life could be romantic. And that's how I am supporting my life all these years

Addiction

Addiction is used to describe a recurring compulsion by an individual to engage in some specific activity, despite harmful consequences to the individual's health, mental state or social life.

Recorded at 23:00 tonight, a compulsion of asking him out. I tied my hands from communicating with him through all means. By 00:00, I passed.

Beijing Grand Hyatt

Felt like a VIP.

Of course, I have sounded my "old friend" out before checking in. To my surprised, Mr. J appeared when I checked in at the front desk. He was so nice to help bring my luggage and escorted me to the room. We chatted a bit.

As usual, I asked my fellow to dine with me at the hotel restaurant. He came by and greeted us. My fellows smiled and a nodded afterwards. :)

After dinner, I caught him for a drink at the bar. Just a nice brief chat. The whole encounter was just nice.

p.s. the fourth deal done in the first 24 days of 2008. May I ask for some luck in my love life too?

As we walk...

We were talking on the way as we walked across Causeway Bay.

My Favourite Things

I like the melody of the song...

"When the dog bites, when the bee stings, when I'm feeling sad, I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't... feel so bad."

Why push ourselves so hard? Can't we leave ourselves some space to daydream and to think of our favourite thing and person? Can't we just take off our shoes and feel the grass? Or even take a nap on the great lawn bare feet. Why leashed by the vibrating devices (to be clear, I mean mobile and blackberry)? Sorry, that's what you are paid for.

and so, here we go

I don't know it was really a confusion or a planned one. Anyways, he acted a bit abnormal or if it was a test. Yet, I was always told men are not that sophisticated.

Urging me to be available earlier than 10pm, he only appeared after me wondering alone in Causeway Bay for half an hour and sat at the bar for almost another half. And yet, he told me he thought it was my call for the drink. Well, I was invited by him to be exact.

Should I be pissed? I was thinking to myself. Even being a friend, I have all the right to be pissed with someone who had me to wait for an hour there alone. So upon his arrival, I was upfront to him that I needed fifteen minutes silence to cool myself off. And I found myself improved. At least I was expressing my true feeling.

A remark by 5pf dd 21st Jan: act confirmed to be the most graceful amongst all alternatives.

He stepped into the elevator. Here we go, wish came true. With a subtle nod, we acknowledged the presence of each other and that's it. I started to wonder about my blog entry the day before.

Third one closed today

This is only 16th.

Hope my luck would never run out.

Only one wish for the rest of the week, that is to see him for once tomorrow.

Delightful

Part of Speech: adjective
Definition: pleasant
Synonyms:
adorable, agreeable, alluring, ambrosial, amusing, attractive, beautiful, captivating, charming, cheery, clever, congenial, darling, delectable, delicious, enchanting, engaging, enjoyable, entertaining, fair, fascinating, gratifying, heavenly, ineffable, lovely, luscious, lush, pleasing, pleasurable, rapturous, ravishing, refreshing, satisfying, scrumptious, thrilling
Antonyms:
depressing, disappointing, horrible, miserable, unhappy, unpleasant

Now, it comes to my favourite part of the year, Chinese New Year, Bonus time, Birthday. Everything is so refreshing and encouraging!!!

These days, I could hear from him almost everyday. The content might not be exactly what I want to hear from him, yet the form is over the content. No more miserable, instead, I am amused.

Learnt something from a new found friend

That is to leave some space for the person I fond of.

One lunch, one dinner and one afternoontea in 4 days. What else should I ask for?

2008 繼續

今年第二宗生意今天做成了! 總算對我老闆有點交代.

原來我的部落格真的有人讀的. 台北喬伊斯媽媽很貼心地打電話來問候一番. 感動吶!!! 後來變我安慰她...

昨天是新年後第一次碰到他, 面對面談了一陣子. 今天又收到他的來電. 這樣便十分滿足.

2008 一將會是美好的一年嗎?

continue to keep slience

Don't know why, I just enjoyed being in the air of his presence. A few times I was caught peeping at him when the third person was talking.

A couple of others complimented my look today. I smiled and reply with blah blah blah. He was the reason for me dressing up. Besides I felt more confident this way.

2008

It has only been 9th days. I am stressed out from work. The first deal of the year was done yesterday. Although the profit is not a mega one, it is a good start. Having some result pushes me to work harder in the coming future.

I cracked down tearing in front of my understanding boss this evening. I know I am starting to raise my own bar.

Take a deep breathe.

Provocachic (sm) by Damian Sim

Inspired by the art form that challenged perceptions – Impressionism, a style that capture the essence of transient moments in unconventional compositions. Quote from http://www.gildedfork.com/provocachic/

從 印象派 藝術的靈感, 誘發出一種捕捉瞬變的跨傳統風格.
从 印象派 艺术的灵感, 诱发出一种捕捉瞬变的跨传统风格.

5pf, time to learn some Chinese. 華語, cool!!!

元氣

沉悶的十二月終於結束. 最怕就是那種過節的責任. 明明不覺得有什麼值得慶祝, 但要勉强慶一慶, 好勁老土.



台北
幾乎結束了一段友誼, 因為她的說話有点太刻簿了.
兩個陌生女孩教了我一件很重要的事, 就是處女男都是犯賤的. 最好就是不要理他.

星加坡
穿着短褲, 人字袘, 走來走去.
忙着見我喜歡的人. 把虛偽通通都留在台北.

香港
很多工作等着我呢!

接着將會是北京...